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Saturday, 26 October 2013

The way Dd affects my man

I was going to write the way Dd affects a man but it may not be the case with everyone.

I had an epiphany recently.

I realised that if I were to tell the majority of my left-wing, feminist, dominant female friends the way we live, they would think that my husband was a nasty piece of work.

They would probably thing that he took advantage of me, that by being dominant I was somehow not allowed to have an opinion, my well being ignored and only his whim catered for.

But really it is the opposite.

I have given my lovely boy full control. In giving up any control I have in our relationship, be it sex, money, social life or housework, he has all the control, but that doesn't mean that he takes advantage.



In fact I think that quite the opposite happens. He is forced to put his wife and children first.

Because he has full responsibility of everything, he listens more.

When I allow him full control in the bedroom, does he take it whenever he wants it? - Well yes! But he also is very intuitive to my needs and feelings. If he senses that I really am too tired or am not in the mood, he chooses to respect my feelings. The result is that he is never sexually unsatisfied and I don't have to resort to telling him 'I have a headache' or making him feel sexually rejected.

The same goes for any decision that he makes. He intuitively listens to what I need and what I want. Our lifestyle has encouraged him to be even more considerate than he was four years ago.

And if I feel that he isn't listening to what is best for our family, or ignoring my needs, I voice them. But to be honest it is very rare.

By giving him full responsibility he feels the weight of it on his shoulders, guiding him towards the right decision.

Without Dd in our lives, what would the alternative be? We would both be vying for control with one of us choosing to back down when the arguments reach astronomic level. Or my husband would take a back seat, allowing me to lead in his absence (as is the case with most of our friends). He also wouldn't have that weight of responsibility guiding him, driving him to protect us all.

I really think this lifestyle is the reason why we are so happy, so in love with each other and so passionate about our family, 7 years after we met.

And long may it continue.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

It's the small things

I have recently been talking to a friend who is new to Dd.

It has been fascinating to watch someone else's journey from the very start. (of course not literally watching now that would be odd)


It has allowed me to take a step back and appreciate what we have achieved but also where we can improve. I realised that it really isn't any large gesture that is needed for this lifestyle to work, it is the small things.

My husband is very thankful for my submission. By submission I mean, I respect his judgement in all things. 

Well, I say all things, I try my best! - But I think I can always improve, just as we can always improve in all areas in life.

I want to make him happy. He works very hard to protect our family and to financially support us and I too want to take care of him.

The little things that I choose to do are:

Wake him with a coffee in the morning on a day he won't want to wake up early.
Make him his favorite breakfast in bed.
Kiss him passionately when he least expects it.
Try as hard as I can to listen and seem interested when he is talking about motor sport or something that I really don't care about.
Ask his permission when I am doing something that he may not approve of.
Allow him to lead in all things.
Allow him to lead in the bedroom. If he wants to make love I try as hard as I can not to reject him.
Try as hard as I can to be attractive. I know he loves me to wear dresses, so I wear them most days. He actually thanked me the other day for trying hard with how I look.

So there you have it, my recipe of small things to make my husband feel king of our family.  And he treats me like a queen in return. The more submissive I am in our marriage the more he leads. I don't have to try and help him to lead, I just have to submit, to openly show that I am willing to follow him and he leads with his head held high.

So to anyone out there worrying that her man needs help to lead, just submit. It took me a while to truly feel submission in my heart, but you can still show submission my little gestures and that feeling in your heart will follow in time.


Tuesday, 15 October 2013

The seat belt that broke the camels back

I wrote about not strapping my children into the car a few times!

There is no excuse for it.

My babies are not safe in my care so my husband quite rightly dealt with it.

I thought he was going to dust off the paddle from the cupboard, where it has resided for the past year or so, but no!

For a seat belt issue, he chose to use his belt on my seat! - Darn.

It has been a seriously long time since he used his belt and boy does it chafe!

I said that there is not excuse for it.

Well actually, it turns out there is!

I have Acute Stress Disorder and have a tendency to switch off.

My brain seems to turn itself off when faced with any small insignificant things and instead I end up in dream land. This happens when I am at work, when people are talking to me and when I am driving!

My beloved and I didn't realise that I was doing this and that it may be the cause of me forgetting to strap the kids in the car.

Oh dear.

I hadn't realised quite how bad it was until I passed a red light last week.

My husband would normally have been furious, especially as I had both the kids in the car and ended up stuck in a one way system with oncoming traffic coming!

I was also on my way to see my psyche nurse at the time who told me in no uncertain terms that I am not well enough to drive! - Not sure why I didn't see this before.

My darling man agreed and my keys were taken away! Poop!

I hope I will be able to drive again soon, I live in the middle of nowhere and feel very isolated now!

Well there is one positive, if it prevents me from getting a spanking then maybe I shall walk from now on!


Monday, 7 October 2013

Learning to let go

I think that learning to let go is that hardest thing for a Dd woman.

It is so hard to give up the need to control things.

My husband as always been in charge when it comes to major decisions. He tells me that right at the beginning of our relationship, before we had even heard of Dd, I used to ask permission for things.

But that fire within me to control is strong.  It stems from childhood and my upbringing.

Although my husband has been the boss for many years now, my nature to try and control in times when I feel vulnerable is still very much there.

It is hard to trust the strength of my husband 100% of the time and sometimes, when I need it the most, I feel around to check if it is there, if I can't find it I tend to bring my control back into play as some sort of self defense mechanism.

Poor man, my darling husband shouldn't be expected to demonstrably show his leadership all the time but I think my nature as a depressive, and as a woman who was let down a lot as a child, needs to feel it more often than he realises.

The thing is that I just need to let go. I need to take a deep breath and trust him.

Allow him room to lead and know that whatever happens he is there for me and will catch me when I fall when things get really bad.




Sunday, 6 October 2013

The inevitable is coming!

There is a time in every Dd wife's life when they know that the inevitable is coming!

They know that the thing they have done warrants a particularly bad spanking.

They know that the implement, that usually resides at the back of the cupboard, will be dusted off and come out into the light for it's biannual outing to the land of RedBackside.

I blogged earlier on this month about the fact that I keep forgetting to use the seatbelt for my children.

I have already been spanked for this twice in the last month and yet the other day, the worst happened!

I did it again!


So tonight, when the kids are in bed and dinner is eaten, the paddle is coming out! 

It has been a good 18 months since I saw it last and that isn't long enough ago!

Wood is not meant to hit bottoms! There is just no give in it! 

My time has come, I am due for the executioners knee, and it won't be pretty!

Have a good evening all, I know I won't!

C

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Minister accused of spanking women worshipers

This article was published in the UK national press today, entitled, 'Minister accused of spanking women worshipers'.

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/news/uk/crime/article3885223.ece

I received an email and following phone call yesterday from the reporter wanting a quote from a practicing couple.



Unfortunately for her and for the Dd community, I told her that we do Dd and not CDD, and she wanted a CDD quote.

It was nice to talk to someone anonymously about our lifestyle and why it helps my marriage, but it was hard to know that she didn't absorb any of it! - I could hear her judging me in her apparent unbiased questions.

It is a shame that I couldn't be quoted as I told her that this example of DD or CDD was horrifying and that Dd should be only between a loving husband and wife and always be consensual.

I tried to stick up for us all, but alas I wasn't the right person for the job!

Maybe next time?

I was approached by a documentary maker as well, so perhaps I can help defend our cause then.

We shall have to wait and see.

C