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Sunday, 29 September 2013

"Women love to be submissive and love it when a man takes charge"

I posted the following post on Facebook this week, to see what the reaction would be.

Considering I generally am friends with strong, outspoken, politically minded women, I expected it to rile a few people up.

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/truth-women-dominated/
"Women love to be submissive and love it when a man takes charge" according to this article. What dyou recon girls?





Not sure why I did it.  I guess I wanted to see just how differently I think to the rest of my friends.  Plus I know that only the people who were angered by the article would comment.

This is what some of my friends said.


'Bollocks'

'Is the chap in the pic going to spank that poor girl with a surfboard? Seems a bit draconian to me...perhaps he misunderstood her request to "paddle my backside" '

'Big round, apple steaming donkey plop of nonsense'

'Dull. It's the kind of stuff people say in the pub. And when I say people, I mean idiots'

'Utter rubbish'


Can you guess which one is my husband! haha!

So tell me what you think. I completely agree with the article myself, for my own relationship. this articulates how I feel.

But I would love to know your opinion.

C

Saturday, 28 September 2013

back handed by accident

I am feeling a little brighter today! - Hooray and thank goodness as yesterday was a bad day!

I have a little story to make you laugh - how an entire restaurant thought I was a battered wife!

It was my wedding anniversary a few weeks ago and we marked the occasion by getting a baby sitter for the first time in the evening since having our second daughter.

It was lovely. The baby sitter was our lovely next door neighbor and in return I babysat her boys the following week.

It was so nice to go out with my beloved. We went to our favorite wood fired pizza and cider bar where they make amazing pizzas from local ingredients and have a million different ciders to choose from.



We were sat there enjoying our pizza, when my darling husband went to the bar. He left his mobile phone on the table and I could help myself, I decided to Frape him (change his facebook profile).

I was sat there giggling to myself while I told the world how much he loved Justin Bieber and I didn't realise he had sat back down next to me.

'What are you doing?' he said.

Shocked, I quickly held the phone in the opposite direction, giving me enough time to click on the 'post' button, and the same time as he lunged to grab the phone.

His giant 6'7" hands moved so quickly and so did I that he accidentally thumped me in the face in the squabble for the phone. It was a proper back-hander (if an accidental one!).

I shrieked loudly and held my face as everyone in the restaurant stared in our direction. I then burst into tears, out of shock I think, though my cheek was throbbing slightly.

He felt terrible.

It didn't ruin our evening though and within 15 minutes we were laughing about it.


So that is how I was thumped in my face on my wedding anniversary! - that will give the blog commenters, who think I am a battered wife, something to moan about!

C

Friday, 27 September 2013

Acute Stress Disorder

I blogged about having post natal depression.

It is slow going and bonding with my baby when she is screaming is ultra hard.

I have recently been diagnosed as having acute stress disorder, which essentially PTSD. It stems from the fact that I almost died shortly after labor, and quite frankly would have without the amazing NHS.

I blank out often and find myself thinking about aspects of the birth.  I see the faces of my midwives in random stranger's faces.

I panic all day. I often want to run as fast as I can and not come back.

My daughter is beautiful and clearly loves me, but it's so hard to bond with her.

She just doesn't feel like mine.

I was getting better, but now I seem to be struggling again. It's like dragging myself up hill through treacle.

I find at times that I don't want to be with her, she won't settle and I feel like I shouldn't be settling her because she isn't my child.

I don't want to feel like this any more. I want it to stop, but it's hard to see an end to these feelings.  It's like drowning and not knowing how to swim.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Domestic discipline four years in

This lifestyle in the beginning was hard.

There were ups and downs,


there were tears, there were tantrums.




It was hard to understand how to do it or how to create this lifestyle when no one we knew practiced it.

So, like everyone in this modern age, we, or more correctly I, searched online for information, advice, friendship and companions.

I needed to fell like I was doing it 'right'. I wanted to follow another's lead, instead of allowing my husband to lead and create his own path.

I have also seen the same in many other Dd women, who want the lifestyle to work.

It's dangerous to compare ourselves and I found myself getting agitated if our Dd marriage didn't fit the mold that I had seen online.

In the early days our lifestyle swayed from being over strict with harsh punishments and an obsession on the rules, to inconsistency and a laid back approach.

It was hard to know where we stood in domestic discipline, especially in the UK, where we have no friends of family who practice it.

Now we have found our own way and life is good.

My husband doesn't need to impose strict rules as I am now naturally submissive.  He rarely punishes me, and when he does he is firm but fair.

We only gain now from it, not lose in any way.

Our bond is so strong and we have no power struggle like all the families around us.

I wish we hadn't had to go through the highs and lows in the early days, but that's life I guess and that's learning.


Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Dangerous behaviour

There are times when you have to admit that you deserve a spanking. Yesterday was one of those days.

I have only been spanked three times in the last year. This is because I was pregnant and then had a new born baby to contend with.  Now things are back to normal again and we have our evenings back and that means opportunities for Mummy and Daddy time.

Recently I was given a car by my Nan.  It's old but brilliant for running the kids to preschool or popping into town for something.  The problem is that I am used to my husband's car and usually my husband strapping everyone in before going somewhere.

For some unearthly reason, in my new car, I regularly forget to strap my eldest into her car seat.  When this first started happening, she told me, 'Mummy I'm not strapped in'. But recently she hasn't told me and I haven't realised until we have reached our destination.

I should probably tell you at this point that I am also not the world's best driver.  I honestly don't consciously take risks but I also manage to cause problems on the road.  In the past 5 years I have been convicted of driving without due care and attention, for crossing a red light and the same set of traffic lights twice and also once fell asleep at the wheel, hitting a family and almost killing myself (the entire left hand side of the car was crushed.)



I am not proud of this but my husband, quite rightly, is rather worried about me driving.

I don't go far, normally within 4 miles of my home, no long runs.

So when, at first my husband discovered that I hadn't strapped my daughter in, he gave me a serious telling off.

A week goes by and I do it again - bummer! I text him this time, chickened out as I knew what would happen, and he replied with, 'thank you for telling me darling, we shall have to deal with it when the children are in bed'.  Then just after I sent the text, I did it again! twice in one day, OH MY GOSH - what's wrong with me!



So that evening, while the kids were in bed, I found myself in a similar position over my husband's knee.

Just before, he said to me, 'If you do this again, it will be much worse and I will take your car keys away'.

The next day I went to pick my daughter up from preschool, with my baby daughter in her car seat in the back. As I was driving I suddenly realised that I had forgotten to strap her car seat into the car! OH MY GOSH! I can't believe it, even after a spanking I still forgot.

There were no words for it! I deserved it, I endangered my children. I don't think I have ever been spanked for something that I knew was totally my fault before. I mean I have always agreed but this time it was different.  There were no arguments, no reasons or excuses.

It was one of those spankings when I squirmed at first but just law there after a while and waited for it to stop.

So after a year of being spanked once, I have now been spanked twice in one week! I guess it's like buses one doesn't come for ages, then three come along at the same time.



C'est la vie!



Friday, 20 September 2013

Time out of being a Mum is healthy

I feel that I am a good Mum.

I believe in structure, but withing that structure my daughter has lots of freedom.

I am happy for her to make a mess, to get muddy and run around in puddles.

We read lots of books, paint pictures and bake cakes.

I want her to learn to make her own decisions and mistakes but I am also firm.

I don't spank my children r lay a finger on them but I am strict and they do as they are told.

I feel we have a good balance.

I am practically a stay at home Mum, I work two mornings a week, but otherwise I look after my children and take care of our home.

I recently went back to work after having my second baby. She was only 12 weeks old but it was so freeing.

I get into my car, knowing my babies are safe with their wonderful Daddy, and I instantly feel empowered.

I never thought I would enjoy working so much. I teach English as a foreign language and help my students to get better jobs or achieve citizenship.  It is challenging but very rewarding.

Today my husband and I are going to the cinema and leaving our girls with my mother-in-law.  I am excited to spend time with my husband without having nappies to change, drawing to coo at, or tears to dry.

I love  my girls more than life itself, but it is so wonderful to have some Mummy time, alone.  I come back fresh and filled with new energy.

So Mums everywhere, it is healthy to have time away from your kids, it makes us better parents.  Enjoy your time alone, so that you can enjoy your time with your little ones better!


Thursday, 19 September 2013

Judging others

I may be different to other people who read my blog.

I may be different from other people in the street.

I may be different to my friends and to people I know.

I would never judge others who choose to live a certain way, and yet I myself am judged.



If I found out someone I knew was being beaten by her husband, I would be horrified.

If I thought that a woman was cowering in the corner of the room or was afraid of her husband, I would be very upset and want to help them.  This would not be a loving marriage.

This is not what this relationship is.  I am happy, I am not afraid of my husband, he is loving, I am loving.  I am not brain washed, nor beaten, I am not crazy or insane, nor am I abused.

My husband is in charge, but if you knew us you would think that we are any ordinary couple.  No actually you would think that we have a great relationship, that we are loving and openly affectionate.  We listen to each other and support each other.  We have been together for 7 years and are as madly in love as ever, two kids into our marriage.

But when people hear that my husband spanks me, they instantly jump to conclusions.  The fact that he is man enough to sort out an argument, that if I am shouting or swear at him or disrespect him and he deals with the situation, he is abusing me, and if people know that I am happy with this situation, they instantly think that I am brainwashed! Why can't they accept that this is us, that we are happy?

My husband and I do not spank or smack our children.  We are firm, but loving but I don't hit them because I believe that it wouldn't achieve anything and only teaches them to hit others.  However I consent that my husband chooses what is necessary in our marriage, spanking or otherwise.

Here are some of the things people have said to me on my blog:

"Do you not feel worthy enough to make your own rules or decide them together?"

"A man taking the lead in his marriage would not have to hit his wife, period. And a really strong man would tell you to grow the hell up and hold up your end of the bargain and if you didn't know how to do that he would assist you without physical violence. A real man wouldn't allow you to lower yourself to the level of a child (which is what you are doing and why it feels so "freeing") and would encourage you to become a woman. Grow the hell up and quit making women in general look bad and weak."

"So who spanks husband when he stuffs up."

"A bit selfish of you women to let this happen."

"You all need help. There is no relationship in which spanking is acceptable. Couple therapy helps a lot. Give it a try! Otherwise, call the police."

"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK. LIKE ARE U FUCKING SERIOUS? FUCK. "

"Either you all like it in some way, or you just don't understand your rights as a human being."

"stand up women this is ur life and u should live it how u want as long as it dont hurt u or any1 els..i have a husband and he is the best thing we may have r problems but the first time he hit me in any way he would b in prison or dead.."

"This is about controlling another person, not about living better. Some of us evidently need to feel that they are controlled, and some need to control."

"What a bunch of stupid, ignorant and even evil women. Your BS is really sickening."

"I feel bad. I can't help but read about woman who participate in this type of relationship without thinking they are incredibly weak and pathetic for not being able to control themselves by themselves."

"A happy relationship isn't all about you sacrificing... it is two-sided. A person who truly loves you won't want you to suffer. Please... wake up."

"This is one really awful lifestyle."

"one problem is that many of these HOH males are total assholes who don't deserve the respect they can only get by physical force. Haven't read enough here to form an opinion of this one.) "

"He is treating you like a child not like a mature adult."


The ironic thing is many women would love a man to swoop her off her feet and take control, they just don't know it.  After all, why was 50 Shades of Grey, the infamously terribly written book so popular in the UK, the US and around the world??

So lets not judge each other.

My husband spanks me, I let him, I don't like the act at the time but I love that he is in charge and takes no messing!

I am loved, I feel safe and cared for.

He is strong and calm and a wonderful father and husband.

I consent to this marriage and am not a freak for doing so!

I am not abused, nor brain washed, nor a sadomasochistic as I have been accused.

Thanks to this marriage, there is no power struggle, no fighting, we are happy.

C


Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Half a million page views THANKS!

Today we hit 500,000 page views, so thanks everyone!


It's been a ball!

Thank you for reading, thank you for lurking and thanks even more for saying hey.

I love meeting new people, especially in this strange community of ours, so come a long and say howdy.

If you are an HOH in a Domestic Discipline relationship, if you are TIH in a Domestic Discipline relationship, if you are Taken in hand in the UK, or if you just have your bottom spanked by your beloved. I want to hear from you all.

Thanks for reading.

C

x

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Coming out of the Dd closet

I've always been relatively open about the fact that my beloved wears the trousers in our relationship.

Open to my friends that is. I pretty much admit to Dd, apart from the spanking part!

I'm not sure my friends would understand every aspect of domestic discipline.  Most of my friends are liberal, left-wing, politically minded, vegetable growing, parents. The type of people who campaign about the fact that their allotment has been spayed with pesticides! ( An actual conversation that I had with a friend yesterday!)

Some are religious, though most are not. But most wouldn't understand my husband spanking me.  I think it is just so far from the cultural norm here.  I think it's too much to ask most of my outspoken friends to see a difference between Domestic discipline and domestic abuse. Of course you and I both know that there are two main differences between them. Firstly consent, I allow my husband to do it if he deems it necessary and if I remove consent he doesn't do it.  And secondly I am happy and so is my husband and my children, who incidentally are not spanked!

But this week I told a friend of mine.  I told her everything about Domestic discipline. Of course I told her everything bar the spanking part first and allowed her to digest it, then told her that my husband spanked me from time to time.

I was a wimp, I told her on facebook chat and waited nervously for her to digest it.  When I didn't get a reply I asked her what she thought. It turns out she was laughing too hard to type!

The reason I told her is that she is, quite possibly the least judgmental person I know.

She is lovely and kind and caring and a great Mum.  She is recently having a hard time at the moment and I wish I could do more to help her.

She had undiagnosed hip displacement and it has left her in a wheel chair at 25.  She is in pain every day and there is no cure, no easy fix. I feel so terrible, I want to help but can't. She is also so positive and has such an amazing spirit and energy. If you didn't know her you wouldn't think she was suffering, you always think she is happy.

So at least me telling her that my husband spanks my bottom made her giggle!

It is hard telling anyone about Domestic Discipline, but with my friend, I knew she would never judge me.  I didn't think twice about it.

When someone is as positive as she is, life seems a whole lot easier.

We have to be thankful for what we have.


Saturday, 14 September 2013

Domestic discipline isn't easy

I recently had an email from a reader who said that her marriage in Domestic Discipline was difficult at times and she compared it to mine, saying that it wasn't as plain sailing as mine.

Perhaps I haven't expressed as many negatives as positives on my blog.

Domestic discipline isn't easy.

We are now four years or so into this type of marriage and it is now natural but it wasn't always so easy.

In truth there were many times when I thought, domestic discipline is too hard, I can't do it.

There was even a break of 4 months or so where we stopped domestic discipline entirely. We reached rock bottom, stale mate, a brick wall, what ever you want to call it and decided to stop. I was being obstinate and refusing to cooperate and my beloved didn't feel like he could control me.



In truth I think back in those days it was so hard to understand what domestic discipline was, where we fit into it all and how we could make it work.

After months of not having domestic discipline in our lives, we ended up being drawn back again. It was calling out to us. We initially tried him being in charge and me doing as I was told without the dreaded spanking part. But we soon found that there had to be some sort of punishment to try and avoid as an incentive.

It took us lots of time, years in fact to understand how to make our lives in domestic discipline work for us and quite simply I think the answer was to stop trying quite so hard. I just needed to relax and trust my husband, allow him to lead how he chooses to lead.

I remember being cross about the fact that he wasn't being, as I saw it 'consistent'.  It felt like he didn't seem to care if he didn't react in a way I expected him to about something.  I think in all honesty I was still trying to control the situation. I was still trying to say how domestic discipline was going to work for us.

In the end, and over time I have given in, allowed him room to lead, stopped making domestic discipline such a focus in our lives and it has all settled down.

He is in charge, I otherwise live my life the way I choose to but with a big pair of strong arms to catch me if things go wrong.  It is a wonderful safety net that I have come to adore and depend on.

But was it easy? No way! Domestic discipline is hard. My advice to you if you are in those difficult early stages is, relax, stay calm, remember how much you love each other and all will be good in the end!

Have a great day.

C

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Postnatal depression hell

I've written about our difficult labor but thought I would write a little about my struggles with postnatal depression.

I have had depression before, but postnatal depression is hell.

I have spent the last three years and the entirety of my daughter's life trying to be a good mum, not a mother like I had growing up.

I feel that I am succeeding in this. That was until daughter number two, who arrived so quickly (in 30 minutes) and left me so poorly (I almost died or blood loss) that it didn't feel like I had had a child.

Every time I looked at her it was like viewing her through 2 inches of perspex.

Every time I held her, it was like I was wearing thick gloves.

Every time she smiled I felt nothing.

Every time she cried I was terrified.

These horrible feelings made me think that I was no better than my horrible mother was when I was growing up and in turn, I felt like I shouldn't be here. I felt that having a mother like mine would be worse than not having a mother at all.

Once I saw my little baby smile and giggle at my husband, I realised that it hurt me to see her so happy because I knew that she deserved better.

It was like I woke up one day and someone had placed a baby in my life and suddenly I had to look after her.

A friend of mine once said, 'Oh C, she is wonderful' and I said, 'Is she?' Not that I thought she wan't lovely, but that I truly couldn't appreciate it.

So as I said, Hell!

After 12 weeks, medication, a weekly visit from a psychiatric nurse, a wonderful health visitor and an incredible husband I am now feeling happy.

Actually happy.

Before my brain wouldn't function, it switched off. There were days where I couldn't see straight, my husband talking to me didn't register in my mind, I was numb and unable to feel anything.

But I last night and tonight I managed to put both my children to bed together while my husband was at work.

That is a huge achievement.

I feel I love my daughter.

She still doesn't feel mine, but I know how lovely she is.  And we are bonding each and every day.

Long may it continue!

C

Friday, 6 September 2013

And we're back

Finally we are getting back to our old selves after such a traumatic labor and are finally getting used to our new life with a three year old and a 2 month old.

I have had lots of help to come to terms with what happened and have been suffering from PND, thankfully I seem to be emerging back into the sunlight again! Thanks to some great counselling and antidepressants.

Having been pregnant along with everything else that has followed, spanking hasn't really been high up on our agenda. My husband however is clearly realising this also and saying things like, 'behave yourself' when he leaves for work and gently tapping me on the behind when we are in public!

It's so lovely to have such a strong husband, he has been so wonderful. Firstly looking after and feeding our baby while I was critically ill after our labor, and now in the role he does best, as a strong and loving husband and father.

He helps with night feeds, stops me from falling into a pit of despair, even if that is what my instincts are telling me and just generally being wonderful and supportive.

It is certainly nice to be feeling like new again, just as well as I start working part time next week!