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Sunday, 30 September 2012

Crazy lady with the wooden spoon!


I have been in London for a week and have managed to meet up with another Dd wife - how exciting.

This lovely lady I met on the network.

I had seen a photograph of her but was still unaware of how we would find each other in busy central London.

We aranged to meet outside a tube station along Piccadilli.

I was late, as usual, and walking in a daze, having just had a frantic morning at work.

My mind was elsewhere when, what appeared to be, a rather crazy looking lady approached me in the street, eyes wide open, a foot infront of me.

Fir a split second I presumed she was one of London's more interesting charachters.

We stood there for what felt like 20 minutes, though it can only have been 2 or 3 seconds. Confusion filled my mind, until she looked down towards her handbag.

My eyes followed hers, intregued by what this aparent crazy lady was doing.

Her hand reached into her hand bag and came out brandishing a wooden spoon!!!!

Realisation replaced the confusion as I realised this was my Dd friend.

I don't think I have ever laughed harder, in fact after we finished our meeting, I laughed about it all day.

Perhaps we need little badges to identify ourselves in the future! Hmmmm perhaps I should get making 'I love Dd' or 'spanked wife' paraphernalia!

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

I met another Dd wife!


The greatest thing about Britain is it's size! Okay so I'm ignoring a wole list of other plusses: healthcare, culture, wealth, democracy, art scene, history....

But due to it's size, I can meet almost any Dd lady that I meet online, within only a few hours (off shore islands not included ;) ).

I arrived in London to work at a gallery for a week and as coincidence would have it, one of my Dd ladies, who I text and speak to on the phone, was also in London, at the same train station, at the same time.

I stepped off the train and into the train station bar, where my Dd friend was waiting, ready to meet me with a glass of red!

It was lovely and another reminder of how important Dd friends are within this secret and strange world that we live in!!!

Monday, 24 September 2012

Going away alone.


I'm currently sat on the train, on my way to London.

I have been asked to work in an art gallery for a week, all very flattering.

I will however really miss my little girl. I hope she forgives me when she is older :(. I have to keep reminding myself that she is lucky, at two and a half to have Mummy at home still.

Of course I will also miss my man, my husband, my best friend, my leader and my rock.

I haven't been away alone for 10 months and I haven't been away for this long in years.

Dd is now natural, sollid and etched in stone.  I guess one of two things will happen. Either, I will discover that I am now completely and utterly dependent on him that I find I can't cope without him, or I will be so trained now that I will instinctively feel his guiding hand on my shoulder.

We shall see.

C

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Naturally submissive?

I had a lovely chat with a Dd friend of mine the other day, on the phone.

We were talking and she said to me, 'You are naturally submissive and The Big Boss Man is a natural HoH'.

I was shocked by this statement.

I have never felt we were natural Dders.  I have never felt that I was naturally a submissive wife.

I always felt like I had found Dd and that we were both working hard towards it.

We finished our convorsation and hung up the phone.

Next to the phone is a wall where many photographs are hung, some of my ancestors and one of my husband and my wedding day.

The photo depicts us walking hand in hand under an archway of trees, away from the wedding party, just after we have said our vows.

The body language looks like a Dd couple and yet the photograph was taken pre Dd.

He, standing a foot taller than I, is walking confidently, with a proud smile on his face, and I am walking nex to him with both of my hands holding his.

I am obviously following him and he is obviously leading me.

It looks like a Dd couple!

It dawned on me in that moment that we have always been this way inclined, but due to my upbringing and societal pressures for women to lead their marriages, I hadn't noticed.

I don't think we have changed that much since we started Dd, over two years ago, but I think that it just gave me an official reason to submit to him.

Looking at that photo, I certainly never would have guessed that we would be where we are today.  Him, offically head of the household, and I his submissive wife.  But secretly I love it!

C

Thursday, 20 September 2012

No spanking challenge? I don't understand


I am confused, perhaps you can help.

Many of the other Dders in blogland have taken, or are taking the 'No Spanking Challenge'.

I think this sounds really exciting and I totally respect these women for it.

But to be honnest I don't really get it.

I feel that I am always trying not to be spanked. I never go out of my way to get punished, why would I, that would be foolish. So surely a 'no spanking challenge' is just what normal Dd is?

If I said 'I am trying especially hard this week not to get a spanking' wouldn't that mean that normally I only try a little to do as I'm told, rather than doing everything I can to avoid a spanking.

Honestly, answers on a postcard please, I really don't see the difference.

I think if I told my husband that I was now attempting a 'no spanking challenge' he might reply 'If you can actually avoid a spanking, then why don't you do this normally'.

Again, respect towards those women would are doing this. I think I am on a 'No spanking for Life' challenge, I doubt I will succeed!

C

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Zero tollerance to rediscover my submissive side


I am still lost.

Floating aimlessly through a misty fog of confusion.

I am not down, I am cooking scrummy meals for my family, working at my business and cleaning and taking care of my womanly duties.

However something still isn't right. Im lost, stuck, confused.

It's like I am coping and doing everything I am supposed to be doing but I am still struggling.

I don't feel submissive at all. My poor husband is at a loss as to what to do.

It's not like I am breaking any set roles, however I am uncommunicative, unresponsive, distant and grumpy.

My husband said to me that he would deliver maintenence every other day until I return to the 'loving wife' he married.

But that isn't working either.

He has now decided on a zero tollerance pollicy in an effort to reconnect us and reballance our family.

We shall see if it works.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Dd and the support network

At the beginning, Dd was hard.

We struggled.

I struggled and he struggled.

I couldn't understand my emotions and thought processes.



Dd forced me to think in a way that I hadn't done before.

I was always confused and couldn't understand what was going on inside my head, nor my consequent actions.

He struggled too.

He couldn't understand how to be consistent.

He couldn't understand why I said I needed discipline, leadership and strength from him but then I would defy him when he went to discipline me, undermine his leadership and ignore his strength.

The beginning was hard and it was made worse by the fact that I felt alone.

I couldn't share these problems with others around me as I felt no one I knew could understand.

Many times I threw in the Dd towel, unable to cope with all of these emotions alone.

But then I found the Dd online community.

I found the LDD network and I started this blog.

I have met some wonderful people.  I have built and am still building a strong network around me and we have kept going on our Dd path ever since.

I am still being held up by this network but it is now coming full circle. I now find that I am supporting other Dd couples who are at the beginning of their journey.

Two years ago I never believed that I would love my husband leading our family.  That I would adore doing what I can to please him, to support him and to follow him as his supportive wife but that is how it has turned out.

So thank you.

Thank you for writing the blogs that I found invaluable for advice.
Thank you for creating the networks that I have turned to when I had nowhere else to turn to for encouragement.
Thank you for writing me emails and getting in touch.
Thank you for calling me for a chat.
Thank you for replying to my texts.
Thank you for answering my emails and blog comments.
Thank you for having a cup of tea with me.
Thank you for commenting on my blog
Thank you for reading my blog.

Dd is confusing, difficult and hard work but SO worth the work.

My husband's friends ask him how he found such a supportive and loyal and loving wife, my friends ask me how I found such a strong and devoted husband and strangers ask us what our secret is.

If you feel alone, reach out for help and advice.  I never believed I would be meeting and befriending other Dd couples but here I am connecting and sharing with other Dd couples in the UK.

I have always feared that my love and relationship was temporary, due to having never seen a happy life-long couple in my childhood, now I am certainly more hopeful and know that I can use this tool to cement our marriage in time.

Thank you.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Dd and being old

Many of my regular readers will know that my husband and I are not old.

It is of course all relative, but seeing as my husband and I are aged 31 and 26 respectively, I would say that is young in most people's opinion, and certainly young within the Dd community.

Last night after he made love to me and we were cuddling in bed, my non-spanko husband said to me,

HOH, 'I love leading you and being the HOH'

Me, 'I love it too darling.  Do you think you will still be spanking me when we are old?'

HOH, 'Of course Dd is for life. You will be old and grey and your bottom will be black and blue'.

Hmmm.... I'm not sure how my elderly body will cope with that.

Perhaps by then I will SO well behaved that he won't need to.


hmmm.....

More likely this will be me.


Dd and the depressive wife

I have been feeling pretty low recently.

I was a depressive for years, until about a year ago and I think I have taken for granted the fact that I have been feeling fine and dandy for a year.

A lot has changed in my life in the last few months and it has sent me into a spiral of sadness, self doubt and into a self destructive pattern.

This of course enters and factors heavily in our marriage.

I have started to be bolshy, I have started to hen peck and I have started to be rude.

I am not a great communicator.

I allow things to stew and to go around and around in my head before letting my husband know how I am feeling.

He usually realises that something is wrong when the house becomes messy and unkempt, his meals become tasteless or non existent and our child is plonked in front of the television, rather than learning to paint/cook/play.

This time however, I managed to keep the balls in the air, while still feeling horrific inside.

The house was tidy, his tummy was full and our child was baking and painting with mummy on a daily basis, but I was wandering around like a zombie, trapped inside my mind, feeling dreadful.

So the poor man, didn't notice that I was actually falling apart at the seems.

His first sign was that I missed my curfew.  OK, OK, that isn't a big deal, it happens once a month or so.  The Big Boss Man decided that he would give me lines to combat this rule break.

He gave me until Sunday to do them.

The inside of my head was filled with cotton wool and I felt unable to see clearly towards my goals and expectations so I missed the deadline, unexpectedly - lines not done.

Then, while my husband was at work, a friend of ours, who he doesn't approve of, wanted to come over for a glass or two of wine.

Now there is a good reason why he doesn't approve of her.  Her and I act like naughty children when we are together.

She is my most fun friend!

However, two years ago we got very drunk together - I even smoked cigarettes with her! ( I don't do that!) and ended up kicking my husband in the family jewels in front of his friends.

So when she wants to come round, he always has reservations and often gives me restrictions on my drinking .
Over the past few months, my wayward friend and her boyfriend have had a really hard time and had recently split up, just before we were set to go on holiday together.

This is what happened...

(I shall call my wayward friend WF)




WF text message, 'C, can I still come round for wine tonight?'

Me, 'Yes sure, come round at 7.30, so I can put my daughter to bed'.

WF, 'OK see you then'.



....Hmmmm.... I should probably text my husband.  I don't really want to.  I should ask permission.  He is going to say no, but I don't care.  I am going to see her anyway.  It is more important to support my friend through her difficult break up rather than submit to my husband...



Me to Husband, 'J, can WF come round tonight, I need to support her.'

Husband, 'Yes, but drink two drinks ONLY and go to bed before I get home at midnight, I EXPECT you to be responsible'.



Texting my Dd friend, 'I'm seeing my wayward friend tonight woohoo!'

Dd Friend, 'Will you behave?'

Me, 'Yes, I am only allowed two drinks, but if he had said no, I would have done it anyway'.

Dd Friend, 'I just told my husband and he is horrified'.  Oh great, that is now going to get me in a lot of trouble, seeing as our husbands are friends.


I know this looks like I am being incredibly naughty and unsubmissive, and yes I am, but as I said, I was on a very negative destructive pattern, and for anyone who understand's a depressive mind set, I felt like unable to see the negative implications of my actions.

So when my wayward friend came round to drown her sorrows.  I decided to indeed only 'drink two drinks' but I wanted to get drunk, so delved into the back of the cupboard for the biggest glasses I could find.

OK, so it wasn't this big, but the glasses that we have are made out of old wine bottles, so you are effectively drinking half a bottle of wine per glass, for a light headed woman, this is deadly.

Me and my friend sat drinking next to the fire in the garden, I listened to her woes and acted as a good friend - it turns out that after our chat her and her boyfriend got back together again!

After the second glass, she said to me, 'lets drink some more'.

This is the only point in which my Dd wife button was switched on.

I said, 'I can't, J said to only have two' - oblivious to the fact that I had taken the mick out of that particular rule!

WF, 'Oh come on, he is so bossy' - She doesn't know that he spanks me!

Me, 'This is in your best interest. If he comes home to find me passed out on the floor, you won't be able to come again, and I want you to'.

WF, 'OK then, but I'm having more'.

Woohoo, submissive wife I am (well clearly not, but at least I eventually did as I was told).

So at midnight my darling HOH came home to see two empty wine bottles strewn around the garden, and the offending glasses, as well as a soundly asleep, comatose wife.

The next day I had the hangover from hell.

We had to travel to a gig of his, along with his family and I slept the entire way there - I was poor company.

While he stopped for fuel in a service station on the way home, I went through his phone to see if he had written anything in hit notes about spanking me.

He saw me from across the service station and marched straight to the car to grab the phone off of me.

When we got home and had put our child to bed, he sat me down in the bedroom and began to lecture.

It is always hard for him to know what to do with me when I am in a depressive mood, but having a strong leader always helps.  If he treats me like I am about to break, I am unable to get myself out of the episode.  It is like I disappear into my head, and am drowning within my mind.  I feel unable to swim out myself.  It takes my lovely husband to pull me out, and tell me what I need to do and lead me with a firm hand to save me.

So that is what he did.

My list of transgressions:

1) Missing my curfew and not even attempting the lines I was set.
2) Choosing to socialize without permission.
3) Deciding to defy him, and telling our Dd friend's about it.
4) Invading his privacy by reading his phone notes.
5)Drinking too much and defying his rule about drinking responsibly.

After his lecture he said to me, 'This is not going to be an easy spanking. You are not going to be sitting comfortably for a while afterwards'.

And boy was he right.

He sent me downstairs to stand in the corner and he joined me ten-minutes-later, with belt and paddle in hand.

This was four days ago and it is still sore, sitting on this wood chair at my computer!

But as a strange side effect, I have now also been happier for four days! Perhaps he spanked the depression out of me! Or perhaps it makes me feel better when I am metaphorically being held in his protective and strong leading arms throughout the day.

Who knows - but long may it last!