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Sunday, 29 April 2012

DD forces you to be a good person

Once more I have had a revelation! HOORAH!



Something definite about DD, is that it makes us think about everything in every detail.

I constantly find myself questioning and reviewing my emotions, rather than hiding away, as I may have done before.

This is good and bad.

It means that, in general, we communicate better.  But it also means that I spend a great deal of my time thinking and pontificating about things!



I said to my HOH only a few days ago.

'Darling I don't think everyone is suited to DD, I think only really good men could do it'.

What I meant by that is that a stubborn man couldn't be given complete control over a household, or he may abuse his seat of power.

However I have done somewhat of a U-turn in my thinking process.

It dawned on me that, although good men would of course be the best candidates, I think DD forces most men to be better.

Rosalind, a DD-online friend of mine, and I were chatting yesterday.

She said something that totally made sense to me, something that I hadn't managed to articulate myself.

'We are meanest to the ones that we love most because we trust that they will forgive us and stay with us through anything' (that is paraphrased, don't do me for libel Ros!)

But what she said is SO true, it really hit a chord with me.

I am always mean to my HOH.  With others I know where my manners are, I don't talk back, or speak my mind, I am polite and civil (normally!).

But with the Big Boss Man, I am often mean.  I shout at him when I want to shout at the world.  I swear at him when I want to get out frustration and I feel I can't communicate.  I am mean and he doesn't deserve it.

Of course acting like this nowadays doesn't last long.  Well it does last in a long spanking session, belt whipping, caning etc.

So for me DD has forced me to asses my behaviour.  To look at how I act and alter it to make us happier.

I say DD has forced me to do this, of course it is my HOH I guess who has forced me to be more considerate.  But it is undoubtedly positive and adds to the happiness that we have in our marriage.

With the blokes though, I think it is more complicated.

I will compare us to my next door neighbours, whom we are very close to.

We see them 3 or 4 times a week.  I go running every other day with the husband and sing with the wife in a duo, added to that, our kids play together and my husband often drinks tea with the lot of us when he is home.

We have something in common.  Both the wife and I believe in respecting the men in our lives.  

She was brought up in a very strict Christian home, where her father used a cane to promote good behaviour (not sure if it was with the wife too, I'm guessing not!)

When she left the strictness of her father's home, she continued with the same respect, grace, and reverence towards her husband.

But this was 5 years ago and now things are rather different.

Now she is rather rude to him and he is stubborn and rude back.

We have very thin walls and I can hear them arguing every so often.

The arguments are normally of him shouting at her and her not shouting back.

The thing that upsets me the most is he shouts 'for F**k Sake _____(insert wife's name here)' quite often, and I think that this is rather disrespectful.

I know that my HOH has never and would never speak to me like that, no matter how angry he was.

But this happens and other disrespectful things happen because he is frustrated that she won't respect him as he wishes.  In turn he is very stubborn and can be quite rude towards her.

I think if DD were added to this particular relationship, two things would happen.

She, the wife, would be more respectful towards him and not talk down to him or be rude to him in public (this happens).  And in turn, he would be more respectful towards her, and less stubborn and obstinate as a result of his needs being met.

What I am getting at, in a very long winded way, is that DD forces us to be better.

It forces us to analyse our behaviour and consequences of that behaviour.

I often see Q and A on blogs about DD, where people ask 'what happens when the man does something wrong and isn't punished, it's not fair'.

All I can say to this is that, in our relationship, this doesn't happen.  

DD forces my wonderful husband to asses his decisions and shortcomings.

He has total responsibility, a huge burden and weight on his shoulders, but one that he bares well!  But this burden acts as his leader helping him to do the right thing.

I am lead and guided by him and he is lead and guided by the weight of responsibility on his shoulders.

He rarely makes mistakes or misjudgments for our family, as I have given him complete and utter trust.  Just as a parent is given trust by a child, and generally makes the best decisions for the child, so he does for me, his wife.

I'm not sure if I have articulated my ramblings effectively, but there they are, from my head to you, via this blog!

All I mean to say is that DD makes life better,  it makes people better, it forces us to all be accountable for our actions and take responsibility for what we do.  It is wonderful, if confusing,  and long may it last! - even if I regularly have a pink tinge to the skin on my behind!

Have a lovely Sunday everyone!







Saturday, 28 April 2012

Communication down the pan

Not sure what went wrong,

Do you ever realise you are in the middle of an argument and not understand how you got there???

Well that just happened to me.

I have no idea how I ended up over my husband's knee in the living room, pants down my ankles and staring at the floor.

But I did just end up agreeing and saying 'yes sir' even when I didn't agree with him.

I still don't.  I have switched my brain off.

Half way through an argument my HOH often ends up, with or without realising it, telling me that my opinion is wrong.

He never does it so directly but that is what happened.

Today I am hung over, I had a great time last night, out with friends while he worked, but needless to say, spanking while hungover is NOT fun.

Half the way through our 'discussion' I use that term loosely as he calls it this, I call it a lecture, I began to realise that I was being spanked wether I liked it or not.

I also knew that the more I spoke, the more fired up and angry I was becoming, which meant that my spanking was going to get worse.

I did not want this!  My husband has large hands, horrible implements, a nasty belt, and large muscles, I did not want it to get worse than it already clearly was.

So I agreed to everything he said.  Sat there pretending to listen while thinking to myself, 'C don't argue, C don't argue', and gave him what he wanted to hear.

The big mistake I made was to tell him this, so evidently the spanking elongated.  Infact it elongated to the point where I was lying there not moving much, not speaking or yelling, just resigned to the fact that it would end soon (not soon enough - it went on for ever).

So I am not sure what just happened, sometimes I wish I had CCTV so I could see at what point things went wrong.

He told me my attitude stinks and I was rude, I backchatted and as you US ladies would say, 'sassy'.

Hmmmm, maybe I am still a bit drunk from last night!

Oh well, on with my day on a sore backside!

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Love after spanking

Yesterday I got the well-deserved spanking.

In my earlier post I explained how I had driven unsafely.

Well my husband had me bent over the sofa last night and my backside is thoroughly stripey this morning (new belt broken in).

The most suprising thing was though, afterwards I didn't feel sulky. I didn't feel contempt or anger.
Instead, I was filled with an intense feeling of love.

I sat there afterwards with complete adoration for him.

He got home from work at ten pm.  He came up to find me in the bedroom, with a pained look on his face.
It was like he was carrying a heavy burden.  Later he told me what that burden was.

He was very worried and disappointed by my actions and felt he needed to punish me, but he was hurt that I had done what I had done.  He was also VERY tired, and it was allot of effort to come home exhausted and have to deal with a wayward wife.

He looked like he was doing something that he didn't want to do, out of duty and necessity.  He has never looked or appeared that way before and it humbled me.

I do love him so much.  It was lovely to feel so close to him after a spanking, that was a new feeling, but an enjoyable one.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

More women need to be OTK!

If my mother or the women in my family had been put OTK more often I think my family would be allot less wiered than it is now!

My father and mother are currently at the end of a very difficult divorce, it has been plodding on for years.  Finally next week the family home will be sold, the last court hearing is tomorrow and we can all move on.

Heartless I may seem to you reading this, but it has just gone on and on, and it is great, if slightly sad, that it is finally coming to an end.

Out of all the members in my family my husband and I seem to be the only stable ones! (I am touching some serious wood as I write this - oo does that also mean the same thing in the States!?)

My HOH is a strong man, who leads his family with pride, high standards and dignity.

Today I was foolish.  I drove in torrencial rain like an idiot and I almost ended up killing myself.  Stupid and foolish, and quite honestly I think we both know what sort of spanking I deserve! I am dreading it, but I am also aware that I deserve it.

The women in my family are ridiculous, if only they too had had strong men.

I love me Dad, more than anyone else in this world (daughter and husband not included).  However I have to be honnest in acknowledging that he allowed my mother to run riot!  She ended up for the last 5 years of their marriage doing nothing.  Not working, not earning money, not cleaning, nothing, and on top of all that being rude, horrible and aggressive at times.

I know he has a new lady in the pipeline, it's all very top secret at the moment, but I said to him the other day, 'Dad, please don't let this next lady take the mick, make sure she respects you!'

He came into my house the other day to see me, yet again brandishing some sort of cleaning implement (ha implement, freudian slip, can you tell I'm waiting for a spanking!).  He came in and said, 'hello Mrs Mop!'


It is ironic.  He raised me to be an independent woman, forthright in her opinions.  I was sent to a very feminist school, told off if a date ever paid for me, learnt how to renovate houses, tile bathrooms and by 18 all financial ties were cut, I was on my own and independent woman (oh the irony!).  He is more of a feminist than I ever was!  So now he comes to my house at least three times a week sees me clean, cook, look after the child and having given up my career to do so.

I can see in his face what he is thinking.  He is tied.  Tied between the thought that I am not fulfilling my potential and not some high-flying executive, or feminist writer or politician, set to take over the world.  But also I can see somewhere in his face that I have not turned into my mother!  I don't let my husband come home, late from work to find his own meals.  I don't make him clean all by himself while I go out for a jolly, spending the money he has earned.  No, instead I try my very best to make my children and husband as happy as I can make them, something my mother never has done.  And I can see in my father's eyes that he wishes for someone to do this for him.

My aunty too needs a strong man.  She is currently awaiting a court date for a bankruptcy hearing, as she has spent the last 10 years in bed, drinking Gin, eating and online shopping to the point of insanity!  She managed to spend over £100,000 on credit cards, just on stuff that they don't need!  She throws money at things, constantly, and her husband meanwhile sits back and allows her to do as she wishes.

It is just ridiculous and this is going on around us with all our friends all the time.

Sometimes my HOH and I just want to say to them, 'seriously man, take your wife in hand'.

So here I am sat writing my blog, awaiting my dreaded spanking.  I am terrified of how bad it's going to be.  Do I like it? No! But do I like DD? Yes of course.

I love who it makes us.  I love that it adds to the happiness that we have created.  If this is the answer to maintaining our happy home, then long may it last!

Though not sure if I will still be getting a switchin' when I'm old and grey!



Tuesday, 24 April 2012

DD and sex

It was obvious that I would need to link the two on my blog at some point.

As I have said before we are not spankos, but despite that DD makes our sex life great!

As with normal couples, my HOH and I have gone through various sexual phases, from sex four times a day to nothing for over a month!

The latter is always my fault, and the former is certainly him.

But DD makes me really really horny, all of the time!

It is him.  His manly, take no nonsense, attitude really turns me on.

He regularly attacks me in the kitchen while I am cooking/cleaning/washing up.  I will be minding my own business when he grabs me from behind and nibbles my neck, wrapping his huge arms around me, groping me in all sorts of places.

It is the dominance, the commanding presence that he has that makes me feel like he is constantly whisking me off my feet.

I now find myself waking up in the morning desperate to make love to him! This was not me prior to DD.

He has a rule, that I must sleep without bottoms when I go to bed, so that when he gets in from work, sometimes at 2/3 am, he can have his wicked way with me!

I know that for most people DD and sex are often separate, but for us they are just part of each other.

I feel that, as his wife, I should obey him, keep our children and house in order, and please him sexually when he wishes it, and boy does he take advantage of this!

Recently he has taken to attacking me when I least expect it.

My instant reaction is often to run away!

This morning was a classic example.

I was in the shower, minding my own business.  I walked out of the shower and wrapped my hair in a towel, and noticed that the big boss man had walking into the bathroom.

I didn't at first think much of it. - Oh how naive I clearly am!

I walked across the room, blowing my nose and talking to him about mundane things, not really realising that he wasn't responding to me, but just standing watching me walk around naked in the bathroom.

I then looked down at his gentlemanly area, 'your flies are undone', I said in an informative tone.

'I know they are' he responded.  At that time I realised that he had naughty intentions, and my immediate reaction was to run away, but I was in the corner of the bathroom, with him in the doorway - nowhere to run!

'Bend over the sink' he said, as he lead me in that direction and gently bent me over'.

And then, well, you can guess the rest, lets just say he asserted his dominance in a different way!

And that is how my morning began!

It is becoming more and more frequent!  Last week he had me bent over the tumble-dryer in my apron!

So there you have it DD and our sex life!

I can't complain I love it! but he does catch me off my guard at times!






Sunday, 22 April 2012

Please spank me sir!

This evening the shocking happened!

I actually asked my HOH to spank me! I can't believe this it.

I HATE being spanked.  The only thing about DD that I hate more is the fact that I often don't understand what is going on in my own head.

Why on earth did I ask him to spank me??

We had been away and I felt, in all honesty, that I wanted to come home and for him to say, 'right C, you need to remember that these are my rules, I am in charge and this is how it is going to be'.

But he didn't.

So the day went on, he annoyed me, I played up, he did nothing.  I played up some more, he did nothing.

I ended up feeling like a naughty girl flicking ink on the back of my geography teacher's coat when she turned around to the board (no? not normal? just I did that at school?)

I pushed and pushed.  The more I pushed the more annoyed he got.  I didn't consciously push him, but I did want him to swoop me up, lie me across his lap and smack my back side into submission.

I am not a spanko, I do not get sexually excited by him spanking me, or watching or thinking about spanking.  So why did I do this?

I am slightly worried that I am getting some kick out of him telling me off.  Out of the fear of thinking, 'oh rubbish, he is going to spank me'.

But I am more worried that this adrenalin, or kick that I think I am getting is not sustainable.  We aren't going to end up being a DD couple still practicing in our 90s if all it is based on is adrenaline, is it?

I am all confused now!

We were doing so well, everything was normal, I did as I was told (most of the time), but now we are in a different place.

I feel I constantly need him to reassert his authority, even if it is solely a look or a lecture! Is this normal?

Advice would be more than welcome!

Sore backside = Happiness?

I came to a realisation today.

It was a good realisation, a 'Eureka' moment!


I have finally got it!

With help from the Big Boss Man - I have finally got it! - 'Got What?' I hear you cry.

I have finally got it.

DD, TTWD, TIH, CDD what ever blinking bracket you chose to place yourself in, I have finally got it!

I have spent the best part of a year or so, in trouble, all the time! At times it was thoroughly annoying, let alone painful!

Colour of my bottom from 2010 - 2012!

I have spent the past week away from home.  Some with my HOH and two weekends without (me away and him at home).

This was the first time that I have been away from him where I have actively made choices to submit to him in his absence.

I was on a Hen-do this weekend.

There was much hilarity, I would normally have thrown myself into everything, but this time I ended up not doing allot of things, knowing that my HOH wouldn't approve.

So many times I stopped before doing things and thought 'The big boss man would seriously tell me off if I do this', so I chose not to do things and to be the subservient, DD wife that I aim to be.

I felt the hand of his love and guidance on my shoulder all the time that he wasn't with me and it was wonderful.

I realized that I am more behaved when he isn't with me than when he is! I guess I don't have to follow house rules and he isn't here to be disrespectful to, but it goes further than that.

I now feel like DD is all around me, he is guiding my thoughts, even when he isn't in the room!

Perhaps this means that I will start to be spanked less!

Or perhaps it means that maintenance will start to become a regular occurrence! (hmmmm, didn't think of that! never mind).

Sigh.





Thursday, 19 April 2012

New Belt?

Today is my HOH's Bday - Hip Hip Hooray! The big 31!

Happy Birthday darling.

So He kept moaning about the fact that his belt was uncomfortable and that he wanted a new one.




His last one broke and he has started using one with metal rivets on it, that he found in a bunch of old clothes at his folks house.

He used to favor using the belt to punish me but hasn't used it for ages (he obviously can't use the metal one!)

And it is true that he really did need another one - it wasn't some evil ploy to get me to buy him a nasty new implement!

I didn't know whether to get him one or not.  It seemed like a silly thing to do, to buy him something that he will use on me to assert his authority (and which will hurt ALOT).

On the other hand however he has stopped using his old belt and instead uses a paddle, which i have already mentioned I HATE!!!!!

Oh, and did I mention, I HATE IT?!?


So I decided to take  the plunge and buy him a new belt.  To be honest it won't mean he will spank me more right? I'm not a spanko, so this isn't a kinky thing!  It is purely practical! I don't want his trousers to fall down!

To be honest I think I also prefer it to the paddle, but that is just my opinion, he will chose what he uses!

So the thing arrived in the post, it was pretty, leather, brown, nice brass buckle...

...did I look at it like a beautiful fashion accessory? Hell no, I looked at it judging how much it would hurt if it came down hard upon my rear end.

Something that did bother me is that it is a NEW belt.

It isn't soft and supple, it is hard and needs wearing in.  Does anyone reading this know how long this will take?  If he used this on me it would surely damage me, it is solid!

Anyway, I am sure it won't take a long time for it to be useful in more ways than just keeping his trousers up.

I shall no doubt soon be reporting back on how well this new present of his has 'persuaded' me to be as polite and gracious a wife as I can be!

Hmmm perhaps I should have bought him a pair of socks instead! SIGH!


Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Don't spank me

Over the past few years, where we have been finding our way through DD, I have had various different reactions to impending spankings.

There's the 'fight mode'.  Where I feel like this...



I literally want to fight him to protect myself.  Of course I haven't actually done this, but sometimes vocally!

The worse thing that I have ever done is to get up in the middle of a spanking, throw the pillow across the room, that I was biting, and scream, 'NO, I WON'T do it any more' - Yes that was a smooth move C!

Then is the inevitable terror mode, when I feel like this...



Then there is the recent one.

Something strange has happened over the past few weeks.  I now dread a spanking so much that I go into thinking I can't do it.

Before I could lie there for 15/20 minutes while he whipped my arse with his belt.  Now however I get a few licks with a paddle and scream that I just can't stand it.

I HATE that stupid paddle.

I HATE the way it looks.

I HATE the way is feels.

I HATE the way is sits there in the wardrobe thinking, 'haha C, I'm gonna smack your bottom at some point this week, and there is nothing you can do about it'.

I HATE HATE HATE it!

So now when he tells me that I am going to get a spanking, all I want to do is run for the hills.

I don't understand why.  I used to accept my fate, take it like a man.  Lie there and not move, now I am a wimp and just can't handle it - and it is driving me nuts!

So the next time he tells me that I am in trouble you wont see me with my knuckles bared, or my 'come and get it' face.  Oh no!  Instead it is likely that I will be doing this...





Monday, 16 April 2012

lying

So I was gonna write about me being away from my HOH for a few days and how I felt the strong arm of his guidance like never before.

I was going to write about how I had behaved super well with his imaginary guiding hand on my shoulder.

That was until I realized that I had mucked up.

And royally mucked up!

To cut a long story short I managed to be talking into a mobile phone contract that I shouldn't have done, without his consent, and it was a shoddy company, then when asked I lied about it as I was embarrassed!

I can't believe I lied, I can't lie, not to anyone! I am terrible at it.  The last time I lied to him must have been years ago, I can't even remember.

Like always I didn't realise the implications of my actions straight away!

Not sure how, I now realise what I did was SO unacceptable and I deserved any punishment that was coming my way.

The interesting thing is though that he wasn't that harsh.

I have had way worse on countless occasions.

I was lucky this time.

I think it may have been because he knew that I was honestly sorry.

I felt terrible and felt like crying.  I may have sat there sobbing (despite not being able to cry, I sure felt ready to today).

I honestly told him that I was terrified of the spanking.

What a horrible thing to do to lie to my wonderful husband!

Lying is a serious thing, so I am so so grateful that he was kind to me.  I think that makes me feel so close to him right now.

Not because I think I got away with it.  I don't at all, I feel terrible that I did what I did.  But I also feel such love and I feel how much he cares for me too.

He is wonderful.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

i am just rebellious by nature

I came to the conclusion today that I am a rebel.
This would not have been any sort of epiphany moment!

At school I was ALWAYS in trouble.

I feel that the more my husband squeezes the rules, the more I want to rebel.

Sometimes I will intentionally push him as I know that he will give me a few chances!

I now think I know where the line is, so I push right up to it and test to see that it is there.

I also do this however, to maintain some sort of control over things.

Sometimes when I am chastised allot, or lectured allot, I feel like my personality is being destroyed!

It is not in anyway because he is a brute! not at all, but simply because I am such a rebellious, does-what-she-wants kind of a woman!

Yesterday I tested the line as usual, just to remind him I was still feisty.

I don't ever plan to do this or anything, it happens in a blink of an eye.

He was really annoying me.  We had just had a day with his parents, who really annoy the hell out of me.  They try to control my child and my decisions with my child, so that by the time we had left, I was thoroughly ready to shout at someone.

The time came when we found a fallen part of a tree in the road.

I think I expected him to jump the the manly challenge of solving this problem.  I expected him to report the danger to the police, or to sort it himself, but he did nothing.

As we drove away, I thought, If someone gets hurt because of the tree, it will be our fault.

So to cut a long story short, I shouted at him and spoke to him like dirt until he solved the problem.

I say spoke to him like dirt, it was a few words, I can't remember, but I was not polite, and it was in front of our child.

He moved the tree, got into the car and said very firmly, 'I will not have you speaking to me like that, it will end NOW'.

I new when to shut my mouth and so did.

A few miles down the road it dawned on me that I may possibly be in trouble, but didn't really expect to be.  Normally my HOH says to me, 'if you speak like that again, you are in BIG trouble', but this time it was different, so I said to him.

'Am I in tro.....' and before I could even complete the sentence he firmly said, 'Yes'.

My heart sunk.  HE MOVED THE LINE!

The line that I had so often ran up to and ran back from had been moved.  I didn't know where I was and was SO taken aback.

'This is what is going to happen', he informed me.

'When we go home, you are going to go straight up to bed, sort out all the clothes in the bedroom that haven't been put away, change the bedclothes, bath our child and then call me when you are finished so I can deal with your behavior'.

I was astounded by the sudden burst of dominance, but willingly obliged!

So that is how my evening went. I tidied, bathed our child and then got a thorough spanking.

He only used his hand, and thank the Lord that he did, as I was still SO sore from the weekend.

So what have I learnt?  - don't feel you know where the line is, don't take it for granted, cause it might come and bite you on the arse (well spank you on the arse!)

Have a lovely evening all.

C




Monday, 9 April 2012

Change in Rules

So any of you who have read my and my husband's (spankinghusbanduk.wordpress.com)  blog may know that I have an issue with the internet.

I simply love it.

I can spend all day on it and will do if I am not stopped my my wonderful strong husband.

He has tried various tactics, from allowing me to make my own decisions (I am not strong enough for this), to stopping it all together.

So yesterday he informed me of an internet change of rules.

I am allowed an hour when my daughter is napping and if he is home only 15 mins in the evening to check my email.

However when he isn't home I can have 2 and a half ours! HOORAH!

Of course there are some weeks when my husband is only away for two nights, so I probably lose internet time overall, but it means that I can actually enjoy it when he isn't here, instead of constantly looking at the clock!

We shall see if this rule suits me better.

my HOH is the boss

My HOH thanked me for calling him the boss yesterday.

When talking about him to my friends I call him the boss, despite them not knowing about DD.

'Yes I would love to come to you party, let me just check with the boss' or 'Thank you for the invite, the boss is really looking forward to it'.


Last night on route to our dinner party, and after my bad spanking, he came across the room towards me.

He towered over me and looked down into my eyes.

'You are going to behave tonight aren't you?' he said.

'Yes, of course'. I said indignantly.

'Yes what?' He said, with a rather threatening tone.

I knew I was balancing on the line by giving him an attitude-filled tone.

'I'm not sure I like your tone' he said, instantly filling me with dread.

'I'm sorry' I said hastily, automatically covering my very sore bottom with my hands.

'Put your hands by your side.'

I whimpered but obeyed.  He gave me 7 or 8 hard wacks with his hand over my underwear.  It stang against my raw backside.

'Just as a reminder that you need to behave tonight, OK? model wife remember?'


That's my big boss man.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Owch

Happy Easter and owch,

That is all!

Fight or Flight?

Okay feeling super nervous now.

It is the day.

My list of 'transgretions' as H called them are:

Swearing in front of my daughter (she copied)
Allowing her to rip up his car tax!
Eating badly two days in a row
Picking my spots two days in a row
Going over my internet two days in a row
and missing my curfew!

Oh holly cow.

I am, quite frankly, terrified.  He told me via email last night that he had thought of a 'few punishment ideas' for it.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I am so nervous right now!

I started running a week ago, today was day five of my running program (inspired by a fellow DD-er thankyou, you know who you are!) and I swear I ran harder today than before.

I feel like running forever, only to stay away from the switch, belt, cane, what ever it is that he has chosen to use.

I haven't felt scared in a long time but I am now!

Oh help! Advice would be greatly appreciated.

C

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Will I get this?

It seems lately that I just can't get my rules.

Someone has pointed out that my HOH may be too set on rules.

I am not sure, that may well be the case, it's hard to get the balance right.

But I can say one thing for sure, I am thoroughly fed up with disappointing my darling HOH.

I can't cope with that sigh that he gives me when I tell him I have done wrong.

I am fed up with myself, so goodness knows how he feels.

Tomorrow I am due for a bad spanking, I don't want it, but equally I do want to wipe the slate clean and try again!

It's so disheartening though.

What I am confused about is, will he just spank me and spank me until I get it, or will something have to change?

Who knows.

What I do know is that I can't wait for my beloved to come home, but I am dreading the spanking.


Friday, 6 April 2012

When HOH is away

Sometimes I just don't think I can do it.

Sometimes I think that I just can't follow the rules.

It is gone midnight, my HOH is away, I have broken my internet cap, my kurfew, picked my spots and eaten an entire easter egg.

I didn't know wether to post this, it will no doubt get me into trouble, but I am clearly in serious trouble anway!

Sometimes I want to shake myself, shout at myself and say, 'C WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU WILL GET A SPANKING FOR THIS, WHY WON'T YOU STOP'.

The only things that I have managed to achieve in DD is that our house is tidy and clean all the time and I am not rude or disrespectful to my darling husband.

In fact come to think of it, I only normally seem to break the rules when he is away.

It is not through lack of trying, I try, I promise I do, but it is just SOOOO hard.

I trust him, I love him, I hate to dissappoint him, and yet still, I seem to every couple of days at the moment.

I wish it would click some time soon that I shouldn't keep breaking the rules.

And I know some people will read this and say, 'he clearly isn't spanking hard enough!' or 'his rules are clearly unreasonable'.

I would say that isn't true to these things.

Firstly I don't think he spanks me lightly by any means, and secondly all his rules are fair.

So WHY CAN'T I GET THEM!?

sigh


Sometimes if I know I have been naughty I go that extra mile with cleaning, in the hope that it will save me!

This evening I spent a good ten minutes buffing the shower to a brilliant sheen! Perhaps I will be able to see my backside in it tomorrow when I inspect the damage!

Sigh


I fear tomorrow will be a long day!

C

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Consequences of inconsistent HOH

Yesterday we had another major blip.

My HOH, bless him - the wonderful man that he is - made a mistake with consistency, well at least that is what I thought at the time.

This always leads me into a strange place.  On one hand I end up thinking, 'SPANK ME ALREADY, IF YOU ARE A MAN, SPANK ME SPANK ME SPANK ME'. Of course I am also not an idiot, so although I want to say this, I also DO NOT want to be whipped with a belt, caned or paddled to the point of screaming and inevitable soreness.  But I do want him to take me in hand, to make me follow his rules and live as he sees is fit for us both.

It is this thought cycle that ends up causing me to be very confused, and as I get confused and can't understand all the thoughts inside my own head, I get bulshy and angry and shouty and have a fuming attitude.

So this all started yesterday.

I had broken two rules, picked my spots (I know its gross, i'm embarrassed by this - why am I writing it here, who knows?) and had gone out in a rush, knowingly leaving the house unlocked as I couldn't find my key.

I admit the key thing is pretty bad, so I got what was coming to me, but the spot picking gets to me, as they say in the UK, it gets to me, 'something chronic'.

I have always had bad acne, it comes and goes in waves, but is always there in some form.  At 26, it is likely that I will have this until the menopause.  When I am stressed I pick it.  It feels therapeutic, like getting rid of the bad, but also purifying myself.  It is really gross, sorry if you are eating a snack while checking in on some light blog reading!

It is also a control thing.  When I feel my life is out of control I pick at it. I have always had some vice or other.  When I was a teenager I used to be anorexic and self harm, then as an adult I ended up compulsively rearranging furniture if I couldn't control things in my life, and now I pick my face.  Yuck gross, enough about the face.

The point is though that the big boss man, my HOH says it makes it worse and I need to stop! He's right, but I end up getting into trouble about it allot!

So he told me in the morning that I would be receiving two separate spankings for the two separate incidences, and that one would be that day.

My daughter went down for her nap as usual, 'I am going to sort out my post' said my beloved,'then we are going upstairs to sort out your behaviour, do you understand?'

So I was in the kitchen, cooking and clearing up, waiting for the inevitable.  It didn't come.

Ten minutes went by, then twenty, then thirty.  Then the doubts started.

He isn't going to spank me.  I bet he will forget.  I bet he will leave it till too late, then our daughter will wake up, so he wont do it.
This isn't how I would be HOH, I wouldn't let me get away with this.  What is he doing? Why doesn't he get on with it already?
Doesn't he care about my behaviour? Doesn't he care about me?  Why doesn't he care enough about us to do anything?
What's wrong with him, what's wrong with me?


I know I am clearly a bit of a lunatic, but these things go round and round in my head.  They usually end in me shrieking something horrid at my darling.

Then he came into the kitchen.  I started limbering up mentally, like before a race, preparing myself for the spanking, would it be cane/belt/switch?

'Darling, I'm going out to the post office, I'll be back in an hour or so'.

'Aren't you going to spank me then' I said.

NO C You fool, run away, you don't really want a spanking!

'Yes' he said, 'I will when I get back'.

Now in disbelief I said, 'But our daughter will be up by then and you wont have time'.

Sigh, and sounds of exasperation from HOH followed at this point. 'Oh OK then, you are right off we go then.'

I trotted off upstairs after him.  On retrospect I may have been a little happy that I had had some control over the situation and I had won my battle - terrible to realise this!

We sat down as normal and he began to talk.

I can't quite remember the ins and outs of what happened next but we ended up talking and perhaps almost rowing.  He let me use a tone where I felt like I was rowing, though not rowing to most peoples standards.  Then my daughter woke up.

This is when I got cross.

I was angry, I was angry that he wasn't being consistent, I was angry because he had let me get all psyched up to expect a spanking and hadn't done it.

I was very angry.

I told him how it makes me feel when he doesn't follow through.  I also told him that the other day I had felt very down after a spanking because he hadn't cuddled me for long enough afterwards.  I told him all my concerns and worries.

He calmly considered this.

We were due to go out to a party and stay late that evening, so he took control of the situation.

'OK darling, I have been working alot recently and I think we need to spend some time together.  I want us to really talk about our thoughts and feelings of DD.  I want to know exactly how you feel about it.  So tonight we are going to come home early, you are not allowed to drink anything so that we have a clear head, and we will come home and deal with your behaviour and also talk about DD, OK?'

There's the man I married, though thoroughly peeved about the no drinking rule.

'OK darling' I said.

So we went to the party, I asked him if I could drink while we were there - just to clarify ;) - and he said no.

8pm came and we made our excuses and left.

We got home and he ran a bath for us to share together.

He had used that Capsaicin cream to deal with me earlier in the day as a make do before we got home, so when I got into the hot bath the cream burned like hell.

I went to bed before him and waiting, again, for the inevitable.

He came in and started talking.  We got lots of things off our chest.

Then he said, 'OK darling you are tired so I am not going to spank you now, we will leave it until tomorrow'.

I was so angry again.

'I don't understand, why aren't you dealing with it now?'

I went off on one, we chatted, we rowed (again not really rowing, not enough for me to be rude).

'I'm not going to spank you because you tell me to spank you.' He said.   'When will you learn that you  are not in charge?'

'Fine then' I ended up saying, 'I'm not going to do DD'.  'If you can't control me properly, you clearly aren't man enough'.

I am not sure if I was intending to rub him up the wrong way now, but I am quite embarrassed about writing this now - I was so awful, what a brat!

He got angry at this point, quite rightly, 'Oh no you don't, we will do this, you can't just stop like that, It's working, what I say goes, this is what is happening'.

'NO, I WONT, I have to submit to DD or it's abuse, and I REFUSE.' I said.

'Right then' he said, 'get out of bed now'.

He was mad, he was angry, he wasn't in control, I was scared and I was not going to budge.

But more importantly I was now totally confused. Who is in charge now? What is he going to do to me? Is he really going to spank me when he is this cross? What did I do? I made him like this.


'Now I am really confused' I said, 'you have been so inconsistent what's going on.'
'I am sorry I have been rude and disrespectful, but I get so confused when you aren't consistent.
'If you don't deal with things, I just end up not understanding where I stand'.

He calmed down too, 'darling sometimes I get it wrong, but what you need to understand is that everything that I do is for you.
'Everything that I do and all the decisions that I make is because I believe that they are in your best interest, do you understand'.

'Yes darling' I said reluctantly.

'And you need to stop trying to control things, this is my job, not yours, do you understand?'

'Yes darling' I said again.

He put his hand on my shoulder, 'now get up please we are going to deal with this'.
'I am going to give you three different spankings, one for picking your spots, one for leaving the house unlocked and one for being rude to me.'

Our confrontation meant that my total trust for him had been broken.

Oh rubbish, what did I do? How did we get here? Is he going to really hurt me? Does he know his own strength?


He sat me on the bed, in our position, and asked me to tell me why I had picked my spots.

He spanked me with his hand, hard and long.

Then he sat me back on the bed.

This was very strange for me, I had never been dealt with in separate ways before, and I DID NOT like it!

'Now' said my strong man, 'why did you leave the house unlocked?'

I told him, and was asked to lean over the bed.

Out came the cane, the dreaded cane, and he gave me ten hard ones, while he explained why it was wrong to leave the house unlocked.

The worst part was that he caned the back of my legs.  This made me yelp in pain and gasp while I tried to control my breath.

Then he sat me back on the bed for round three!

I was disheveled, my hair was all over the place, and I was exhausted from lying there and fighting the pain.

'Look at me' he said.

I hate this, it is the last of my control gone, I have to even look where he wants me too.  I can't hide my feelings and emotions when he is looking into my eyes.

'Now I wont have you being rude to me' he said, 'I am in charge, not you and you will respect me at ALL times, is that clear?'

'Yes darling' I said.

'Bend over the bed again please, I want you to count to thirty'.

Then he grabbed the paddle.

I laid there for ten then sat down on the bed and hid my face.

'I can't do it' I said, 'I can't.'

'Why can't you' said my HoH, completely calmly and in control.

'BECAUSE IT HURTS' I yelled throwing a cushion across the room.

My HOH remained calm and in control. 'What are you doing?' he asked me in disbelief.

To be honest I didn't know, I was in a state, I was confused and wanted it over with, but had now got myself into a corner by refusing to submit.  I wanted to cry and say sorry, but I couldn't.

'Lay over the bed darling' he said.

I did, he didn't ask me to count, but I did in my head.  He hit me hard, reasserted his authority, made his mark on my rump.

I screamed.  It was nasty!

Afterwards we laid in bed and he held me.

'I'm sorry' I said. 'I'm sorry I didn't submit to you when you asked.'

He cuddled me, he held me, I cried.

Yes me, woman of stone actually cried.  It wasn't directly about the spanking, it was emotional pent up worries that I had held over the week about my family.  But the spanking helped me to get there.

I cried out fear of not being loved as a child and I cried out fear of not having a loving family.

I laid there in his arms, knowing that I was safe, trusting him and knowing that I was loved, which made me cry some more.

It was a very confusing and horrible night, but he had dealt with it, he had dealt with me, and I had been horrible.

I know he loves me and I know that he will take me in hand and deal with me when I test us and test him.

I love him very very much.








Sunday, 1 April 2012

Stop Swearing

My HOH thinks he has found the cure for my swearing.


Wives and partners of the DD world, may I suggest you don't tell your HOHs about this.

It is horrible.  I am given a pea-sized amount on a spoon.  It is so potent that it says, 'not for pregnant women or people with heart conditions' on the side of the bottle.

It makes me cough for at least 30 minutes after, and burns for longer still.

It even makes me have palpitations, like some sort of drug!

It is not nice!  Will I swear again? - Likely
Will I consciously swear again? - Not likely

march questions answered 2

What changes have you seen in yourself since you guys have begun DD, and what changes have you seen in him?                                                                                          KAY

Half of this is easy to answer.

He has changed allot.  He is allot more assertive and takes less rubbish from people.

He works as a a musician and often deals with drunk and offensive people.  He used to take allot fro them, but now he doesn't take any of it lying down.

This is good for him, but I'm not sure how good it is for his career!

But around others he is more dominant.  He always was, he has always been the center of any gathering, entertaining people etc, but not he seems to walk even taller, if that's possible at 6 foot 7!

With me, this is both hard and probably embarrassing to answer!

I have always been very volatile, and sometimes my emotions get the better of me.  I have said I can't cry, but it means that it often comes out in anger.  

If I have a difficult time with my complicated extended family I either go distant from my lovely HOH, or I get angry, very easily.

This is of course disrespectful, and adds nothing to our relationship.  It is also bad for my daughter to see this.

So I think I am more respectful.

Once difference I do feel is that I love to stand next to him in public, holding his arm.  This is difficult to describe, but I feel more proud to be walking on his arm, (a sore backside at the time accentuates this!).

Also the major difference is that I keep the house much cleaner.  I don't know why this is an outcome, it is a vague rule, but one that he hasn't had to enforce yet!

As a couple, I don't think there are many differences.  I think they are more individual.

We have always been very close and very affectionate, we always talk to each other a great deal.

Once thing is that he is certainly allot more consistent!  Not sure if I am more submissive, but I will get him to answer this Q too.

Thanks for the great Q.