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Saturday, 31 March 2012

Can I do this? The paddle says yes I can

I don't understand why I can't follow the rules.

WHY can't I - they just seem so hard.

I just keep breaking them.  I think that my HOH thinks that I am just not trying, but I am.

He even told me today that every time I consistently don't do as I am told it is like I am putting my Vs up to him.

But I am trying.

Sometimes it feels like I am incapable of it.  Sometimes it feels like I can't do what he wants me to do and I can't be the wife that he wants and I want me to be.

I know this is the pessimist in me, but it is hard to be constantly punished for something that I keep doing wrong.

Once again it was the flipping internet!

After my spanking today I wanted to throw the blinking computer out of the window!

I was actually punished twice today.

I was rude and 'acted up' in front of my impressionable little sister today.

She is 13 and already has a poor view of men, my HOH hates this.  He called me up on it in front of her and then as soon as she left my house, I was told to bend over the kitchen table!

It was only a hand spanking and it was brief as my daughter was waking up from her nap.

Then this evening, I admitted that I hadn't been watching my internet time very well.  I am so fed up with being punished about this! So fed up.  My HOH thinks that I am addicted.

He was so fed up.  He marched me upstairs, and sat me on the bed to tell me just how fed up he was with me.  The silly thing is that I kept smirking, I hate that I do this.  I actually had to grab my mouth to try and stop it, but I can't help it.  I think it is because I am embarrassed.  I always laughed as a child when I was disciplined.

I rarely made a sound though, and didnt' get up, I didn't move very much apart from the odd wiggle!

Slightly worrying is that the spanking has completely made me go into my shell.  I pushed him out, I didn't want the cuddle afterwards.  But later on when he left for work as I saw him leave I just wanted to cry into his arms.

But I can't cry, no tears come.  So frustrating.

So I am now sat writing this with the oven timer set to tell me when my internet has run out!

Maybe he is right, maybe I am addicted!

I love him so much, I just want to get this right!



Blog questions answered

How did you get your hubby to blog?

                                                 Pooky

This is a funny one.

Unfortunately I don't really know - he's a stuborn thing, so really I didn't get him to do it, it was all him.  Of course the idea was mine, as all great ones in our household are ;).

For the past two years I have encouraged him to get involved with the online community that we have.

His response was always one of two things, 'yes maybe, I will think about it', or if I pushed too hard, 'No, I will do this how I want and I don't care how other people chose to do DD, this is my responsibility and I make the decisions'. Or something along those lines.

I think it was just a gradual thing.  He knows that I love mine and I really love it when I reach a new landmark re- hits.

I also really like Clint's blog (learningdomesticdiscipline) and Mick's (hishusbandlytouch).

I Kept saying things like, 'you should start a blog darling', or 'there aren't many men who have blogs'.

It does help that he uses the internet all the time for work, and runs a blog for that anyway, so it didn't take much.

It's funny, considering that he started off not even reading anyone elses blogs, I came home the other day to find that he had been blogging all morning! Ironic I thought as he is trying to stop my internet habbits!

Anyway, thanks for your question Pooky.






This is the question I've asked everyone for these March blogs so I'll ask you as well. What is the story of how you and your husband met? Was it love at first sight for one or both of you? How long afterwards did you marry him? 
                                                                                                                                          Christina

WOW, OK.  We met in the January of 2006.  I had recently moved to a new area where I knew no one.  A lovely small town in West Dorset.

I met one friend, in a very strange way, and it was pure fate that even her and I had met. 

We decided to go out together and she took me to this bar in the town where a musician was playing.  

I looked at him and thought he was very attractive, but I thought that he was perhaps too short for me, and maybe younger than me.

My friend and I went upstairs in the bar, and listened to him play while sharing a bottle of wine and getting to know each other.

I came downstairs and asked him to play one of my favorite songs.

At the time I was a journalist and I thought, I want to help this guy become famous, he is really good.

When he stepped off stage, it turns out that he was 6'7" and a whole foot taller than me! He was also 5 years older than me, so there says something of first impressions.

I bought his album and was obsessed with it, playing it all day long and telling all my friends how great he was.

A few months later he was playing in the town again.

During the interval I went to sit next to him and chatted to his Dad, who was there too.

We were chatting about music and I told him who I like listening to.

I then went to every gig he played in the town (about once a month).

And put an article about him in the local paper every week, (I was banned after a while by my editor!).

After a while I realized I was seriously falling for him.  I had never really bothered too much about blokes before, I always preferred having fun with friends, so this was a new experience for me completely.

We decided to meet up for a date and hey presto, we are now married with a young child!

I never expected to fall for this musician in a bar all those years ago! but I guess they say when you least expect it don't they!?

We got engaged within the first 18 months and married in 2010 in September.  We had our baby in 2010 also, so it was a good year!

Arr thankyou Christina, that was a lovely memory to think about!



Friday, 30 March 2012

Ask me questions - March

OKAY, so I have done this in hope that you will ask me some questions.

My other favorite blogs are doing the same.

PLEASE do, I love to talk to people, old and new and would love to hear your thoughts.

c

Why do we come to DD?

I was wondering today why I came to DD.

Many people have wondered if it is to do with women wanting less control, when they are either a)the controlling type or b) they are in positions of control in the workplace.

I certainly am the controlling type.

Many of my friends either don't believe me when I tell them my HOH is my HOH (they don't know about the spanking), or they think that I must be wrong!

One friend who knows about our DD lifestyle wouldn't believe me the other day.  She said that because I had chosen to do this that I was still in control, but just controlling from the bottom! ( I would beg to differ and so would my bottom!)

I don't think that she was right, but it certainly is hard for people to understand who aren't in this place themselves.

The reason why people are so astonished is due to me and the way I come across.

I am very forthcoming with my opinions, very opinionated and a very strong woman.

These, along with many other reasons, is I think why my husband found me so attractive.

But it is also because of this that women think that I must be in charge at home.

This must be terribly embarassing for my HOH.  Often people asume that because he is calm and relaxed but I am fiesty, that he must be 'under the thumb'!

It certainly is strange that my HOH and I are here.

And it's not like I am a rule follower!

At school I was the naughtiest girl in the year, by quite a way.

Two classic quote from teachers in my school days...

1) 'C is like a tent which needs to be pegged down'.

2) 'C, one of two things will happen.  Either you will end up very very successful, or you will end up in prison, and I can't quite decide.'

I would be in trouble everyweek. Constantly sat outside the head's office, or i ndetention.  Thank the Lord that I am too young for there to have been corporal punishment at my school when I was in secondary school, otherwise things would have been quite different.

I was also an attention seeker.  I loved being on stage, or singing at concerts, but also I was the class clown, I made the staff and pupils alike laugh and I loved to play the fool.

This does not transfer well to DD! I am not meek and milk, I do not do as I am told and I LOVE to be in control. - HOW DID I GET HERE!!!!!!

I had a conversation with a member of the LDD Network the other day and she had read my blog and my HOH's blog and laughed that when we chat I don't come across as the naughty wayward wife that my HOH describes!

OK I have to admit that I am a little embarrassed at my behavior! Some of which is highlighted in my husband's blog (spankinghusbanduk.wordpress.com).

I in all honestly don't know.  I clearly like to be lead and guided.

I have had a difficult up bringing.  I have almost a non existent relationship with my mother, she didn't come to my wedding at my request, and what relationship I did have with her was negative to say the least.

I was not abused, but perhaps there was neglect there, and there certainly was psychological abuse at times.

I really don't want to try and act like a marter.  I am not at all one.  I am so lucky, I am thankful everyday for what I have in life.

But things were tough growing up, and certainly in the past three years with my family.

The reason I bring this up is that a friend who knows about DD said that this is the reason for me wanting this lifestyle.

I am not sure that she is correct, but it's an interesting theory.

She thinks that because I didn't have that discipline as a child, or leadership or guidance, or even the caring aspect of a mother, I look for it in my spouse.

It took me many years to open up to my husband.  I remember the first time I cried in front of him.  I desperately didn't want to.  I also didn't allow us to get close for a very long time.

So when I eventually did 'let him in', it became a complete and total trust thing.

DD is that complete and total trust.  I gave him all of me, including allowing him to guide me and lead me as he sees fit.

To be this is so polar to how I was brought up, but perhaps this IS why.

I was brought up in a very liberal house where I wasn't really stopped from doing anything.

I was encouraged to make my own decisions, encouraged by my wonderful father to be able to do everything by myself, rather than to leave it to a man - oh the irony!

So there you have it, my theory of why I am like this, or rather why we are like this.

It's just a theory but perhaps a sound one!


Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Our rules

I thought I would write down my rules this evening.

I haven't put them on my blog yet and I thought that it would be a good time to remind myself of them! It can't hurt!

1. Don't be rude or disrespectful.
2. Don't interrupt.
3. Don't answer back.
4. Be safe, and take care of myself and my daughter.
5. Keep a clean and tidy house.
6. Keep to 1 hour 45 minutes of internet time a day.
7. Go to bed at 11pm unless otherwise stated.
8. Drive safely and don't take any risks.
9. Don't swear.
11. No talking to men on chat rooms unless accompanied by a women.
12. Respect all instruments in the house.

I think that is it.  I can never remember them to be honest, perhaps this is my problem!

saying sorry is hard, but getting a spanking is worse

It dawned on me today that I hate to say sorry.

There is a small gap of time between my HOH saying one of the following...

'I beg your pardon'

'Do we need to go upstairs?'

'Do I need to spank you?'

'What did you just day to me?'


...and me me realizing that I have a two second window in which I need to either sincerely apologize and change my attitude, or prepare myself for a very sore rump!

In that moment I hate to say sorry.  It takes everything for me to submit.  It is often the crux of me submitting.  The time when I have to say to myself, right now SpankedWifeUK, do you want to submit to your wonderful husband?  And I have to say sorry, or face the consequences.

Saying sorry is very hard for me to do, but my husband's belt is harder!

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

My HOH speaks!

After much time watching our DD relationship develop, and watching me blog and chat online about my thoughts on DD, my HOH has been encouraged to start a blog.




This is a very strange thing for me to witness.

He has previously thought that he didn't want to enter this online world to which I have come to rely, but it seems that things have changed.

Please welcome and encourage him, I know you can be a wonderful bunch of people.

http://spankinghusbanduk.wordpress.com/

Monday, 26 March 2012

letter to my HOH


Today I acted appallingly, I had a terrible attitude, and when my HOH told me to receive a spanking, I refused.
I feel I need to apologize to him.  So I shall write it here, as well as giving it to him in person.

Dear HOH,
I am sorry.

Thankyou for not giving up on me and for not giving up on our our lifestyle.

I am sorry for not trusting you and for being angry.  I am sorry for not doing as I was told.

I find it hard to understand my thoughts, thank you for giving me time to do that.

The way I spoke to you and my attitude was unacceptable and I am sorry.

Maybe I need to write down things to you to explain my behaviour, it might help our relationship, as I sometimes can’t make sense of things until I write it down.

I love you very much. Thankyou for doing this. I appreciate your commitment to this.

Please understand that I am trying everso hard, but I don’t quite make it to the finishing line. I will try, dont be easy on me, but equally know that I try.

Thank you for this, it must be very very hard to have all the responsibility on your shoulders, thank you for dealing with things so well.

I love you so much.
I will do whatever you ask of me to make things right again.
x

I deserved a spanking


Sometimes I just don’t get a spanking

I know that many partners in DD relationships struggle when their HOHs aren’t consistent.  This hasn’t been a problem for a while, but sometimes there are times when I just can’t believe I am not punished for something.

Here I end up in a tricky situation.  Do I accept that he is HOH and that he needs to make the rules and I shouldn’t try and control him from the bottom, or should he be more consistent?
Sometimes it is really hard to tell him I think these things too. 

It seems really irrational to tell him that I think I should have been spanked for something, when I hate it when he spanks me.

It is hard.  On one side it really mucks me up that he isn’t being consistent, and on another, I don’t want him to spank me but I do want him to be a consistent leader of our home! – It’s all so confusing!

So the other day I went out for the evening without him.  This rarely happens.  This is because we generally go out together, and when he is working I am at home with the baby, so I can’t go out!

I was getting ready, and had all evening to myself.  Baby at grandparent’s house and HOH at work! Hoorah! 

I live in a very traditional life, which I love.  Cleaning, childcare, husbandcare ;) and the like, and am usually pinny-clad and in the kitchen, or working on my business.

So because of this unusual setting, something strange came over me.  I felt like I was at university again, or single! Not that I wanted to pull some other bloke, but I felt liberated and very different indeed.
I spend my life listening to Radio 4 (for no UK-ers, this is a talk high-brow radio station for the middle-class middle aged folk! – generally considered boring by other 26-year-olds).

But this evening I put on Radio1 – it was playing Friday night clubbing tunes, for people going out and enjoying themselves! I had a shower, while boogying along to the music and then I decided what to wear.
At first I put on a long summer dress, which I normally wear, rather hippyish, it makes me look laid-back and liberal, but rather mummyish!

I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, why am I wearing this, I am on my own tonight, I have no reason to look respectable.

I threw it off, literally on the floor, along with all sort of other mess that I had created, and found a dress that I used to wear early on in my relationship with my husband. This was black, low cut, short and youthful.  I put it on and felt very sexy and a bit naughty! It wasn’t slutty, but certainly showed cleavage! It even showed part of my bra! (slightly ashamed at this).

I put on bright red lipstick, took off my glasses and glammed myself up and went out on the town, determined to have a great time with friends and drink heavily! (something I am not supposed to do).
One thing I must admit to here, which I didn’t tell my husband is that I knew full well that I looked a bit slutty, I certainly did not look like someone’s wife.  This excited me at the time and I skipped along the street excited for my evening out.

When I arrived to see my friends (all with their partners) I felt very exposed.  Not because I was dressed like I was, but because I didn’t have my husband with me.  I realised at that moment that I am normally with him, protected by him and looked after him.  He is a very large man, 6’7” and stands way above me.  He is also well built and very powerful looking and usually his very presence is enough to make me feel protected.
Anyway I knocked back the drinks and had a great time.

My HOH had told me to be ready to be picked up around 12, and that he would ring.  He also said that I should text him to tell him where I was and to not get too drunk.  I did not do any of these! In fact the last time I looked at the clock it was 11.  I did not text him, I got very drunk and I didn’t wait for his call.
I was in a bar and I turned round to find that he was standing there.  It was at that moment that I figured I was in trouble.  He was preoccupied though as his friends were also in the bar, so he chatted to them for a while and then said we were going home. 

When we got home he took one look at my clothes and asked to see me properly, so that he could assess what I was wearing.

He said, ‘don’t wear that again’, and that was the end of it!
No spanking, no, ‘why did you get so drunk’, no ‘did you think that that dress was inappropriate’, no ‘why didn’t you text me’.

And that is the end of the story!

Oh well, perhaps he didn’t think that it was very bad! I am not the HOH after all, but I recon I got off lightly!

If I were an HOH


If I were an HOH.
If I were an HOH I wouldn’t let my wife get away with much.
If she were rude I would command her to go upstairs, take her clothes off and wait for me, to elongate the thinking time.
If I were an HOH I would wash her mouth out with soap and water every time she swore.
If I were an HOH I would give her 20 of ‘the best’ if she misbehaved and with each additional problem, swearing or answering back, she would get 5 more.
If I were an HOH I would insist that she ironed my clothes, make me tea when asked and saw to my every whim.
If I were an HOH I would expect her to be prim and proper and contort herself in a respectful and lady-like manner when in company.
If I were an HOH I would want my wife to wear lady-like dresses and be feminine at all times.
If I were an HOH I would have my dinner on the table every day by 7, and a have a loving smiling wife cooking it.
If I were an HOH I would be greeted at the door when I got in from work with a cup of coffee, and kiss and a smile, as she lovingly took away my briefcase and shoes.
If I were an HOH, before going out somewhere where I knew she may embarrass me, I would give her 5 of the best, as a caution to behave well.
If I were an HOH – Blimey, I’m glad I’m not my HOH!

Sunday, 25 March 2012

pushing his buttons

Today my 2-year-old said to my HOH, 'Daddy, DADDY, go and get me some pink milk, GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND GET ME SOME PINK MILK NOW'.

I watched in awe, he calmly said, 'darling, do you want some pink milk?'

'YES DADDY'. she said.

'You need to say please' he said.  Then off he skipped to get her her pink milk.

Hmmmm, I wonder what would happen if I spoke to him like that!

Stay tuned!.......

It's been a difficult week

I hit a wall this week.

I have had a difficult time with my family, (as in parents, who are going through a difficult divorce) and it reflected on our marriage.

I can't cry, not just after spanking, but generally in life.  I probably cry annually, so I end up not emotionally dealing with the things that I need to.

So with all my pent up emotion, my HOH received a less than submissive wife.
It didn't help that despite being punished very harshly last week, I broke the same rules again in the week, and ended up with a second punishment in one week.

I ended up very demoralized, and felt like a failure.  'I can't do it, I can't be the wife we both want me to be'. I said to my HOH.

He hugged me and told me that of course I can.  He pointed out that there are things that I do now, like not being rude, and running a spit spot house that I never did a year ago.  He told me he was proud of me and that he loves me.  But then he said, 'You will do this, because it is what I want you to do, it is for the good of our family'.

I think after a childhood of getting any material possession I asked for, but not allot of attention or affection, I am used to getting my own way.

I think, somewhere in the back of my mind when told him that I couldn't follow his rules, that I really have tried, but failed miserably, I think I perhaps expected him to cut me some slack.  I don't want him to, but I wonder if that is what my subconscious expected.

So when he stepped up to the HOH platform and announced that he loved me, but there are certain things that he expects, it was a shock.

The outcome of this was wonderful.  He was supportive, and loving, but firm and authoritative, like a good HOH.

The other wonderful thing that happened today was he understood me better than I think he ever has done.

We have always been open, good at communicating and very close, but this week something changed for the better.

I had been internalizing all my emotions about my family, and had really struggled this week.  Normally I have to say to him, 'darling I am struggling', to help him to understand my behavior.  But this week he just understood.

He held me in his arms and cuddled me one morning, when I was cooking.  My instant reaction was to push him away, when I am busy I feel that I am coping with things.

But he kept hold, and said to me, 'you have really struggled this week haven't you?'  'I am proud of you and I love you, but I wont accept you being rude to.'  'I am here for you and I love you'.

I couldn't believe it.  DD has given him some sort of natural intuition that he didn't have before.  It made me feel very loved, something that I don't feel very often outside of our little family.  And it quite simply made my day.

What was a very challenging week, became a loving one.


Thursday, 22 March 2012

The spanking line


The spanking line

I had a very enjoyable conversation with a fellow DD-er yesterday.

She asked me if I regularly went over the line.

The line of course she referred to is the ‘spanking line’! Yes this may well be a term I have just invented!

At the beginning of our DD journey, I tested a lot.

This stage was very hard to get through.   I didn’t do it consciously, in fact I didn’t even know what I was doing until someone pointed out to me that I was testing the boundaries.

This is actually quite embarrassing as my toddler does the same with me and my rules in the house for our children.

I used to do things I knew weren’t allowed, like calling him names, or being cheeky, just to see where my boundaries were – often with painful consequences.

I now roam happily inside my spanking lines, but it took a while to know where they were.

So in answer to my friend who asked me this last night:

Do I go over my boundaries? No don’t be silly, do I want a sore bottom?

However I have to ashamedly admit that I do take a running leap towards them, dance about a bit on them, often stamp my feet and poke my tongue out as I prance arrogantly along my side of the line, but I rarely go over!  - That would be foolish!

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Why I love DD

My epiphany moment!

Today I had a moment of realization.

I often struggle when I take a step back and look the nature of DD.  I often find myself thinking, 'this is weird'.

I think it's hard sometimes to see beyond the 'spanking' element.  But it really isn't the main part of DD. However I think this is why many people either see it as 'abuse' or 'bdsm'.

I was trailing youtube this afternoon.  My wonderful HOH allowed me to have no internet cap as I am in bed sick! Joy of joys!  And I stumbled across a video of a Christian lady, I think she is Mormon - forgive me if I am wrong, there aren't many Mormons in the UK!

She spends a good 8 minutes on her video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpGuwMA_M94&feature=related) declaring why a wife should submit to her husband.

Now I first must premace this by saying that I am not religious. However I do believe women should cover themselves up (no low-cut tops or mini skirts) and be demure and I do believe that standards of language, behavior and manners have fallen in the UK.  I was also raised by liberal hippy parents, but went to a strict Christian school (if that isn't going to muck with my head I am not sure what will!)

I watched this woman talking.  At first I think I expected to receive some very anti-women views,  and instantly put up a wall that a liberal women of the west might arm herself with when confronted by such information, but she completely hit the nail on the head.  She said that women and men are so happy in a relationship when there isn't a constant battle for power. When there aren't arguments and unhappy tension in the air.

That when a woman honestly gives herself to her husband, he can choose to be in charge, and there is a healthy balance.

Many of us in DD relationships give this seat of power to our men.  For a few years my HOH and I fought for position.  A position that in the past women would not have challenged, but in the feminist era of post 1960s have taken without question.

Of course for some people this is fine, this is acceptable.  Some men do not want to have the power of a relationship.  It takes guts and effort and the knowledge that all decisions come down to you and are yours.

I also was encouraged by a view that I read on 'his husbandly touch' blog,


"She needs to know that you’re strong enough to be the leader. She doesn’t like being in the leader’s position. She’ll do it if it’s needed. In fact, many men have abdicated their role as leaders and have taken on a passive, even disinterested position, waiting for the woman to tell them what to do for the relationship.  The woman will step into the empty position that you’re not filling, but unless the husband is incapacitated with illness or injury, she resents it. "

I think most women who ask for DD are fed up with the fight.  They are fed up with feeling like they have to make decisions and choices in their relationships.  As mothers and carers we naturally are quicker at making these decisions.  We are poised to protect our young, and our men from harm.

A few years ago I gave up the fight, I had had enough of this battle for power.  I completely gave in and decided that I wanted to support my husband in his role as head of our household.  The feeling fills me with warmth.

To hand the torch of power to another was something very strange for me.  I had always been in control of everything, including him, until I began to trust him.

Trust is a HUGE part of this.  By taking on DD I said to my husband, I completely and utterly trust you.  I trust you to do what's right for me and our children.  I trust you to protect and provide for us.  I trust that you will always make the decisions that is best for me, even if I don't always realise it.

And he has.  This is why it works.  I completely trust him. I feel like I closed my eyes and fell backwards into his opening, loving and protective arms, and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would be there to catch me.

I think this is why it works.  This is why it makes me happy.  I feel protected, loved, cherished.  Yes sometimes he spanks me.  But that isn't the point!  The point is that he is willing to do whatever it takes to protect and love this family.  Spanking is just a symbol of his power, his control, his decisive nature.  My submission, the very act of me following him to the bedroom and bending over is my symbol.  It says I trust to completely to do what is needed.

Why do women who think DD is horrible get excited when manly characters take their women in hand in old movies!  Because they are caring, and trustworthy.

At the start of her relationship, a friend once said to me, 'I want him to be more spontaneous'.
I think she needed to be taken in hand.  I think the majority of women need DD.  Sure they may not want the spanking, but do I? certainly not.  However I do want him to take control and lead.

I love giving this part of me to my HOH.  Of course it has been VERY hard.  And sometimes, when I have to follow a rule it continues to be hard.  But the thing that makes me continue is knowing that I completely and utterly trust him.

And may we continue on this wonderful path, for years to come.


Thursday, 15 March 2012

My HOH is ill

My HOH is Ill 

My HOH has been ill and it has turned me into a monster.
I don't know why.

I think I need his leadership on a regular basis, and I haven't had it for three or four days.

I feel low, annoyed, irritable and rebellious.

I haven't broken any rules, but yet I also have had no inclination to take care of the house, or anything.

This is awful.  My poor HOH is sick and yet I am thinking about myself.  Not to mention this puts allot of pressure on him.

He can't be 'on form' every day can he?  Oh dear, I am all confused and all in a 'flutter'.

I feel like my world has been turned upside down.  I clearly need him a great deal but he hasn't been around.

He hasn't disciplined me, or corrected me.  He hasn't cuddled me or made love to me.  He has rarely even spoken to me in the past few days.  And it has made me feel very strange.

To give him his due, he has horrid flue, and I don't think he has been this ill in five years or so.  But it is so strange.

I guess it's like when an army loses it's officer, or when the teacher of a class steps out of the room, all hell breaks loose.

I clearly have no more discipline than an unruly group of children. Sigh, and there is me thinking how far I have come on our DD journey.

Perhaps I am nothing without my HOH.  I think I may have become completely and utterly dependent on him, his leadership, his place within the home.

I don't feel I really want to bother to clean the house, or do work, or my chores, it's like I have lost all momentum!

My poor HOH, I really must be hard to lead! - But I guess this shows just how important his leadership and guidance is.

Oh well, I think I need to stop moaning and go and make him some soup!

I am sure this time next week, when or if I am being punished for something I may wish he was back in bed, and not within arms reach of an implement!


Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Spanking Questions answered


I saw this on my favorite blog, 'knowing you roles' and thought I too would give it a go.


SPANKING SURVEY


Have you ever gotten spanked?: Of course.


Are you spanked bare bottomed, over panties, or over clothes?: bare.  Unless it's a swat when HOH is cross and needs to deal with something instantly.

What is the best thing about being spanked?: It helps me to correct my behavior.  It also allows me to respect my husband more, it makes he seem even more powerful, and helps me to be submissive.

What position do you get spanked in?OTK or sometimes over the bed.

Have you ever gotten spanked in public?: No thank goodness.  

What do you get spanked with the most?: His hand.

On a scale of 1-10 how much does the average spanking hurt?: It's all relative. He claims it has never gone over a level 6/10 but I can't imagine it getting much worse when it's a bad one.
 
Have you ever been spanked for something you don't feel you deserve?: 
No.  Sometimes I go into the punishment time thinking 'I don't get it'.  But he will ensure during the 'lecture' that I do understand, and I normally do. 

Have you ever gotten spanked with a hairbrush?: Yep, but it's been a long time. 

Have you ever been spanked so hard that you started to cry?: No.  But I don't cry as a general rule.


Were you spanked as a child?: No. Well not really.  My mother would loose her temper and pull my hands up and wallop me round the bottom.  My father once smacked me (just once!) and instantly regretted it and later apologized and felt terrible.  I remember thinking that's silly, I respected you for following through, and now you have taken it back.  But as a parent I understand more now why he did.

Do you think spanking is fun?: 
No.  He used to spank me gently in foreplay, but he doesn't now.

What does the HoH say to you before your spanking?: He sits me down beside him and says, 'Do you know why I am going to spank you?'.  Then we discuss it, and I understand what I did and why it was wrong, or why it disappointed him.

Have you ever gotten spanked for bad driving (speeding ticket, etc)?: Yep.  Putting on makeup at the wheel, texting, and driving without a seatbelt (which I won't be doing again!) 

Have you ever gotten a spanking for no reason at all?: 
Rarely a maintenance spank, but then the reason is to reassert his dominance, so no.
 
Have you ever gotten spanked by a teacher?: Not really.  I went to a private school where the staff were really sadistic.  For the years I went there the only memories are of punishment of others or myself.  But they used to do things like, soap in the mouth, cutting someones hair for playing with it, and standing in the corner.  I was bitten once for biting another child.  I remember other people being spanked though, even in assembly.

Is your butt spankable?: Not sure what this means.

Is spanking your hobbie?: NO, are you a fool! why would I do it for fun!

Are you currently in trouble? No. - HOORAY!

Do you get lectured during the spanking?: No, before.  And I get a 'your not going to do that again are you?' at the end.

Have you ever seen someone else get spanked?: No. 

Have you ever gotten spanked for cursing?: yes.

Have you ever gotten spanked for lying?: Yes.

Have you ever been spanked with more than one spanking instrument in one spanking session?: Yes. If hand counts. But he hasn't bought a paddle or anything yet.

Do you hate spankings?: Yes.

How many people spank you?: ??? only my Husband.

Have you ever gotten spanked with your butt in the air?: what does this mean? does it mean touching your toes? cause if it does then no.
Have you ever gotten spanked so hard you butt was purple?: No.  But I bruise easily.
Do you think that spanking is a good punishment?: It works for us, but I really hate longer punishments like withdrawl of privledges.

Do you believe spanking has made your relationship better, or worse? Better.

Is your butt red and sore afterwards?: Yeah. 

Have you ever gotten spanked with a sneaker?: ummm I think so.  It was some sort of shoe, I don't remember! 

Have you ever been spanked twice in one day?: I don't think so, but maybe.

Have you ever asked to be spanked for something you did wrong?: Yes once, when he was upset about something I had done.  I wanted him to forgive me, but he still found it hard afterwards!
Would you talk about spousal spankings to your friends/family members?: Yes, I would love to, but most would run a mile!

Have you ever gotten you butt caned?: No, thank goodness, he hasn't bought any implements as yet.
Do you cry?: Never but I would love to. 
Have you ever gotten spanked with a wooden spoon?: Nope, we don't have any big enough!

What do you get spanked for?: breaking rules, going over my internet allowance and being disrespectful.
 On average, how many times a month are you spanked?: probably 6-8

How many swats do you get for the average offense?: I sometimes try to count, but I lose count, its too painful. But more than 40.

Do your friends know that you get spanked?: No, some. I wish they did.

On a 1-10 scale, how hard would you get spanked for something serious,such as speeding?: Probably for me a 10, but he thinks things arent as serious, so he would say a 7 I guess.

Have you ever gotten your butt belted?: yep alot, his method of choice!
Have you ever gotten your butt paddled?: No he hasn't bought one yet! - I say yet as he tells me he will.

After your spanking is over, how long before you repeat the same offense?:It depends. some rules i break alot, but major things like not wearing a seatbelt I won't repeat it!

Does your spouse enjoy spanking you?: Spanking me I presume! I think he does sometimes.  I likes to asert his authority. 

When is the last time you got spanked?: Sunday. (it's now Tuesday)

Have you ever spanked yourself? LOL no!

What is the worst thing about being spanked?: I hate waiting, and dissapointing, and ruining my effort to behave! 
Does anyone aside from your spouse/significant other spank you? No, just my husband. 
 
How long does the spanking last?: How long is a ball of string! Sometimes a long time. 

 Do you get spanked hard?: Yes sometimes.

Do you like to be spanked?: No way.  I like him being the boss, and looking after me and our daughter.  If this is what is included, then I like it.  But I HATE the spanking. 

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower, or a rule breaker?: a breaker by nature! But I try really hard!



so there we go.  That was fun, and interesting to do, like when you are a teen and answer quizes in a magazine.  Gotta go, I am dangerously close to my internet time!

Back in the Dog House


Back in the Dog House


It has been a difficult week.

The other day my HOH gave me a list of tasks to complete by the end of the day.  He was away and wanted to ensure that I had a productive day.

I have a tendency to not do the things that I am supposed to do.  I bake cakes, or rearrange the living room, paint pictures and make clothes for my daughter, rather than paperwork, cleaning or work for my business.  So HOH tries to keep me on the straight and narrow.

That day, while he was away, I was meant to do my chores, help my HOH with some marketing, some paperwork for my business, aswell as maintaining my diet and keeping to my internet limit and curfew.

Well quite frankly it was a bad day as far as rules were concerned and a cumulative snow ball of misbehaviour ensued.

We had frinds coming and I, ever the show off and perfectionist, decided to cook a culinary extravaganza.  I have always put far too much pressure on myself.  So before my chores and tasks were completed I decided to cook a tarte au citron and a batch of caramelised tare and share bread.

After cooking I decided to leaisurely go on the internet for an hour to relax, despite having not completed my tasks that I had been asked to do.

Major mistake.

My internet was running to an end and I was writing my blog.  I stupidly make the decision to carry on writing my blog despite being fully aware that my internet was coming to an end, and I went over my limit.
Why, I hear you ask?

Well I don't quite frankly know! With hindsight these things always seem ludicrous, but I just didn't think it through at the time.

So there was my mistake number one.  I then went to the fridge to put some food away after cooking, and seeing my daughter's chocolate bar uneaten, I decided to eat it.  It was only small.  To be honnest I don't think I thought that I would be punished for that, despite my HOH saying he wanted to support my diet.

Then I realised that I was perilously close to my curfew, so I ran off to bed.  It was only then that I realised that the house was a state and my tasks werent complete.  I had completely forgotten.
It then dawned on me that I had done a gazzilion things wrong, and would undoubtedly be in trouble.

I was now terrified.  The last spanking had been terrible, but I hadn't done as many things wrong.

The possibilities went round and round in my head.  What would he do?  How bad could it be?
I emailed him an email instantly with a groveling and very sorry email.

The thing was I was truly sorry.  I had been trying so hard but it was clearly very easy to muck up.

He called me instantly and I could hear the dissapointment in his voice.  That has got to be the worst bit!

He asked me to tell him how I had done so much wrong.  I think he thought I had just been lazy and not bothered to respect his decisions.  But that wasnt the case.  Yes I had gone over  with my internet, and I ignored it a bit, but the rest just happened.

He said he would have to think about what he would do about it.  That got me worried, was he going to spank me on more than one day? was he going to spank me for longer?

I was very worried.

At the next available opportunity he sat me down and asked me to explain what I had done and how things had gone so wrong,

The list was long, so the lecture was even longer.

Towards the end I was thoroughly fed up with it.  He seemed to go on and on!  I wanted to say, alright punish me already!  But I didn't dare of course.

Because much of the problem was caused by my internet use, or excess use, HOH decide to take my internet away for two days.  He then said that I could only have half my normal amount for the rest of the week.  He then ordered me to close the curtains and took off his belt.  Quite possible the most terrifying this that he does.

I heard the jingle jangle of the buckle, I heard the woosh, as it was pulled through his belt loops.  Then he stripped me. Quite possibly the most embarrassing part.  I had chosen to wear my all in one, so I was wearing just my bra when he ordered me over his lap (something I wont be doing again!).

Then he whipped me.

It was a considerably bad one.  He informed me later that it was a 6 on the scale! Goodness knows I never want to get to 10!

I was thrashing about so much that I kicked the coffee table, throwing HOH's coke across the room!

After he had finished, as always, I lay there exhausted and panting.  I clambered onto his lap and curled up in his arms.  I was numb and dejected. I don't get angry with him, as I usually feel I deserve it.  But I do feel sorry for myself for about half an hour, especially when it is hard to sit down!

So there we go, a few days of no internet while having a VERY sore behind!

It has been hard not going online.  I have so wanted to.  I did ask him yesterday if I could go only but he gently said no.  I think it wouldn't have been so gentle if I had pushed it!

And now I have a week of very little internet!  I am so glad to have it back though! I can finally write this post! I have been saving it for a while!


Saturday, 10 March 2012

How to submit


How to Submit to your husband




I would love to be writing this blog with a miracle formula of how to successfully submit.  X+X=happy submissive wife.


But the problem is I don't know.  It is very hard.  I think that the main problem is that the majority of women who jump onto the DD/TIH/ttwd bandwagon are not the average 'submissive type'.


They are the dominant, leaders, the CEOs, the teachers, the women with power and responsibility.  Yes of course we all aren't, hey I am effectively a stay-at-home mum.  But I certainly am not the submissive type.


Friends who I have told about DD, or who I have told I am submitting to the power of my husband, have laughed.  Many think that I rule the roost in my house.  That I wear the trousers.  That my husband does what I tell him to.


The truth is of course not this, or I wouldn't be here writing a blog on my life in DD!  But it upsets me and my HOH that people think this.  It seemingly devalues his masculinity.


I had a very interesting conversation with my HOH yesterday.  We are British liberals.  We are very opinionated in society, have been politically active and worked in the media.  I was brought up by hippies, who believed in me being raised as 100% independent, and completely unreliant on men (yes I see the irony).  My Dad even got cross at me when, on a sate with a boy when I was 19, I allowed my date to pay for me!


Anyway, I am digressing.  My HOH was chatting to me yesterday.  He was ranting, after seeing one of our friends' wives taking the p**s, by dominating their relationship, and the husband not stopping her.  


He said to me, 'you know it just natural, women have always been ruled by men in history'.  I began to look at him in shock here.


He continued, 'that is how it was always meant to be.  
'Women need leadership, and someone to guide them.'


I couldn't believe it.  My feminist education at an all girls school was shrieking at me.  How did I get here!


Perhaps I should have realized when he was opening doors for me early in our relationship, and pulling out chairs!


But for years he has masqueraded as a liberal, free thinking gentleman!


I think the thing is the majority of women in my family and friendship group just completely take control of the situation.  They chose when they go out to play, leaving their men to put the kids to bed, even if they are working at night.  They say when and where the family are going.  They get drunk and embarrass their men.  They are rude and bitchy and their men are treated poorly.


My parents have recently divorced, but for years my wonderful father allowed his wife to not clean or cook or go out to work, he did it all!


Now I think my HOH often blames the women in these marriages, but really it is also the men.  If my father had stopped my mother 30 years ago, this would never had happened. 


Children go wild without boundaries and guidance and rules and consequences, and quite honestly so do I.  Now I am not saying that all the ladies reading my blog do, but with the majority of my friends and family this is the case.


Going back to the submissive wife formula.  I have learned through talking to women and men on the DD network, by reading blogs and websites and by my own little experiments, is to take each day as it comes.  To confront each situation with something slightly more submissive than the last situation.


For example, when I want to go out with my friends, instead of previously saying 'darling I am going out tomorrow, can you look after our daughter'.  I now say, 'May I go out tomorrow please'.


After my HOH has told me I will be punished, I say (while swallowing my pride I can assure you, 'thank you for being consistent my darling'.


So it's slow progress with me and the big boss man, but it IS progress - YIPEEE.


What I can definitely say is I submit more now than I did last month.   And last month I submitted more than the month before and so on.


It's a process, and I am learning, but I AM succeeding.  My hoh even bought me flowers today.  He didn't say but I knew the subtext was, 'this is because I am proud of your effort darling'.


I love him so much

Friday, 9 March 2012

My first, 'this is why you wont do that again' spanking

My first, 'this is why you wont do that again' spanking

OK so I officially did something stupid the other day.

I came home from an outing, dropped off my daughter with my husband, and asked him if, in his opinion, I could fit into a car parking space outside the house (we live on a main road with no driveway).

He took one look at it, I could tell his brain said (silly woman drivers), and he said, 'Darling  you could fit an articulated lorry in that space'.

So I got back into the car, he went back into the house, and I attempted to drive the car into the space.

Here is where the dreaded and highly regrettable mistake happened.  I did not put my seat belt on.

'YIKES, OH HELP, YOU IDIOT C, WHAT ARE YOU DOING' - says myself in hindsight.

But I didn't notice (I often don't when parking the car).

Somehow since having my daughter two years ago, I have lost the ability to judge car parking spaces.  Back me up mothers of the world.  I swear I was ok at doing this before, but seemingly  spacial awareness also came out of me during birth! (was that too graphic?)

I shunted backward and forwards, but to no avail, the aparent space 'big enough for an articulated lorry' was no bigger than a man-whole cover as far as I was concerned.

Here is where the second problem occurred.  I then had to drive away and around the town to find a space, and all seatbelt-less!

I didn't mention this part to HOH, but I even jumped about a bit and said to myself, 'oo this is fun not wearing a seat belt'.  Somehow I didn't link this to either a) my safety or lack there of, or b) a spanking.

So I parked the car and returned to the house, and thought nothing of it.

One thing I should porbably mention is that I can't a) lie, and b) keep anything secret from my HOH.  Of course I can't as in it's a rule, but also I  physically can't, not even if I wanted to.

I try lying sometimes to other people about private things, and it doesn't go well, I just come out with the truth.

So as the hours rolled on there was a little voice in the back of my mind which said, 'C, you should probably tell your HOH about this', but I tried to ignore it.

The following day we were sat in the car. This is by the way the only place I own up to infractions.  I have realised that this is a clever place.  He cannot scold me as he is concentrating on the road, he cannot spank me, because, well lets face it, I would like to see him manage that whilst driving, and we are generally on our way out so I know he cannot punish me for a while, and I can put it out of my head.

To be honest, I truthfully didn't, at the time, think that he would spank me for it, I figured I would get a warning - oh how very wrong I was!

He told me that we would 'talk' about it later - I was fooled into taking the word 'talk' literally.

The day went on, and shortly after returning home from our outing he had to rush off to work.

While he was working I emailed him if I was in trouble.  He informed me that I was, and that he would deal with it when he got home.

He arrived home at midnight.

He came upstairs, sat on the bed and immediately told me that he wanted to 'chat about what I had done'.  I was very surprised that he came straight in to deal with me.  It made me think that he must have planned it on his long drive home from work.

He lectured me and helped me to see just how foolish I had been and just how selfish.  I really hadn't considered it.  This is just how well our DD lifestyle works for us.  He really helped me to see the ramifications of my actions.

He then said, 'Now I am going to spank you, if I don't it would be foolish'.

I hid my face under the duvet and screwed up my eyes, as I heard him foraging in his drawer for his implement of choice.  My heart pounded, my adrenaline kicked in and I was panting. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to cry, but I sat there and heard him clattering around.

Then he took me downstairs, so that the neighbors, who were in bed, wouldn't hear.

'I am going to show you why you wont do that again darling' he said, as he pulled up my nightshirt and bent me over his lap.

The strangest thing was normally during a spanking I squirm around for ages.  I can't keep still at all.  But for some reason this time was different.  I laid there, I didn't even make a sound.  I have been thinking about this for a while, as I was baffled.  But I think that it was because I really and truly felt bad about what I had done.

So after what seemed like eternity, he let me up.  He held me, told me I was forgiven, but said, 'I don't ever want you to do that again, do you hear'.  

So that was my first spanking of a different nature, a  'this is why you wont do that again' spanking.

Do I want it to happen again, hell no.  Seat belt on for all eternity, and HOH belt off (well for the near future anyway ;).


      

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

The worst part?

The Worst Part?
What is the worst part of your punishments?
For me I think its the waiting.  The inevitable is coming, you know you are in trouble, it has been confirmed by the big boss man and now you just have to wait.


You have to wait for him to think through his actions, you have to wait for the kids to leave the house, you have to wait until the timing is right, you have to wait for him to chose when you will receive your dreaded punishment.


The fear of knowing that within the next few days, hours, minutes, he will summon me.
It always goes the same way.  When everything is calm, my chores are done, our child is asleep or out of the house.  When we are in bed, or sitting comfortably in the living room.  I see the cogs turning in his head.  I see on his face that he is about to tell me I am to go upstairs and wait.  


There is a small pause in his actions, he looks at me, that moment seems to go on for eternity.  Perhaps it is me wanting it to last forever, but it is a moment in which time often stands still.


To make it worst, sometimes out of nervousness I feel a need to fill that moment, or that space and often laugh and hide my face.  Of course I am not laughing out of hilarity, I DO NOT find it funny, nor do I enjoy it.  I am scared and in awe of his manly power.  I DO NOT want what is about to happen to happen.  But i realise that it is necessary.


It is necessary for me to know who is boss in our marriage.  It is necessary for me to remember what it is I have done and to realise that I have done wrong, have been rude or disrespectful.  


So then the waiting ends.  And the fear of waiting turns into guilt, remorse and upset as I am lectured and realise that I have let down my wonderful husband.  The feelings then turn into embarrassment as I am striped naked from the waste down by him, and more embarrassment as I voluntarily bend over his lap.


The action of bending over is so hard to so. I want to run, I want to fight and I want to get the hell out of there.  But I also want to be a good wife, to appologise, to show how much I love him, for me to return to being his good wife, who he is proud of, not the wife he is currently disappointed with.


Then the feelings turn to pain, and yet more fighting.  Fighting to stay still, and oh it is just so hard.  I try so hard to lie there, when everything in me wants to get up, but I stay, even if I squirm around.  Then the breaks in between, where I lie there on edge, waiting to see what implement he will chose.  Waiting to see just how angry or disappointed he is in me, or worse being told to get up and lean over the bed to receive the switch.


And then the feelings, as I am asked to get up and lie in his arms, are of sorrow, exhaustion at fighting it and not being able to cry (oh how I wish I could cry), and love and respect and adoration.


So the worst is the waiting, or maybe the pain! 
The best thing? The love I feel for him as he teaches me, as he shows me how to respect him and be the wife I want to be, the wife I am normally, but sometimes forget I can be.


But the best feeling is the LOVE that I feel for my wonderful HOH.