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Saturday, 29 December 2012

Dd in pregnancy is hard

It is hard watching my husband struggle with Dd.

It is such a difference.

So often I will feel myself being irritable or getting cross but my beloved often doesn't react.

I even instinctively wince a little, waiting for him to call me up on being rude but often it doesn't come.  It seems that he feels that he needs to allow me to act the way I want to act to protect our baby, as odd as that may sound.

We have had many conversations about it but I think that he is so worried about me and our baby, even if he can't admit it.

I didn't realise just how much last year's miscarriage and my subsequent hospital complications and blood transfusion affected him.  I think it has left an ever lasting imprint on him, it goes beyond him not wanting to spank me, which I understand, but he is also leaving me to be irritable and ignoring my rudeness and I am worried that in doing so he is harming our family unit.

There are times when I feel my hormones are raging and everyone around me clearly takes the brunt, which I really don't mean to happen, but I only seem to notice afterwards.

It doesn't feel like he is less manly or that he is week or that Dd is no longer a part of our life, I think actually it is very healthy for us, I think it puts everything into perspective a little.

He still says things like, 'Make sure you go to bed early tonight please' as he taps my bottom gently. So the smaller things haven't changed. I guess it's the bigger things, mainly the spanking.

I probably am just ignoring the niggling voice inside my head that is asking the most horrifying and frankly embarrassing question.

(she says in a whisper with a crimson face) Do I feel a need to be spanked?

I can't even believe I am asking this.  When he is spanking me I hate it, when I know he plans to spank me I hate it and yet I am sat here questioning if the lack of spanking in my life has left me wanting.

I don't think it is the very spanking itself or the pain that I miss, but spanking as a symbol and all that it represents.

The closeness and warmth that giving all of me to my husband makes me feel.  The femininity that I feel in being his wife in this way.  The symbol of dominance and leadership.  The very fact that he has expectations and requirements which can not be upheld without some form of repercussion if the rules aren't followed.

It will be interesting to see what happens after the baby is born and how our dynamic changes.

I am not worried but more interested to see how we progress.

Happy new year everyone.  I hope you had a lovely Christmas.

C

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

I'm Pregnant

Hello those of you who still read my blog.

Sorry for the lack of writing.

My lovely husband and I recently found out that we are pregnant.  This time last year, to the week, we had a nasty miscarriage that ended up with me in hospital having a blood transfusion.  It traumatized us quite a bit, so when we found out that we were expecting again, we went into total hibernation mode.

It has been a struggle but we are now in the second trimester and have had a scan, with all great results.



Of course we didn't, at first, know what to do with regards to Dd and pregnancy and my husband originally said that he didn't want to spank me or do anything that could harm the baby.  We were very scared and he treated me like I would crumble if he so much as told me off.

It was good that I was pretty well behaved and respectful.  In all honesty I think that the need to not spank me meant that Dd was given a good injection of strength, and allowed us to take some distance to analyse it all.

It is so easy for it to turn into a game and I have seen lots of people who this happens to, with nicknames and strange rituals.  At the end of the day as Christina at redbootywoman said, Domestic Discipline is a part of my life, it doesn't define me.  This is often a struggle at the start.  I think Dd is so alien to most people at the start, that it can easily turn into a game.

This to us ended after a while and now after two and a bit years (I've lost count), it has just become a natural part of us and the way we live our lives.

I wont lie to you, at first the thought of not spanking was very strange to me.  Spanking has never been a huge part of our life, just something that happens.  However the thought of not doing it was really odd to both of us.

We adjusted though and it forced us to analyse Dd and the way it works for us.  After a few months, it soon became clear that, although it wasn't what defined us, it was a tool that was necessary in our marriage and we have found a way to do it through pregnancy that means no impact is felt from my baby, but that harmony is still restored in our lives when things get out of hand.  It has become an infrequent occurrence though, but is still available for my beloved if and when he needs it.

We shall have to see how Dd progresses from here.

Take care all.

C

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Love your Lurkers


I thought I would jump on the band wagon and encourage YOU, yes YOU, out there reading my blog to say hi. I get a lot if hits, but the majority of readers are invisible to me.

So I emplore you, come and say hi,  introduce yourself, tell me what you love or don't love about my blog and accept a massive thank you from me for stopping. by and reading.

Thanks.

C


Monday, 12 November 2012

Trust makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

I have been thinking over the past few days about the act of undressing prior to a spanking.

A lot of women have been asking over the net  whether the husband does or should do it and why such choices are made.

For us and it is of course a personal choice, my husband removes my clothes (sometimes just the bottom half, sometimes everything), but there are always two certainties about our routine,

1) I will definitely be completely but-naked from the waist down,
2) He will be doing the undressing.

I didn't really see the importance or the implications of this until recently.

The other day when he asked me to come and stand in front of him, I did so calmly and respectfully, and stood waiting for the inevitable.  At this point the very act of allowing him to undress me, giving myself to him to use as he needs, is so important.

Of course in this instant I am about to give myself to him for punishment but it is in no different to when we are about to make love.  In both instances, I give my body fully to him.  It feels like I am his, to do with as he wishes and needs.

I know many thousands of women would be horrified at this but it feels incredible.

In doing this, I am saying, 'here is my body, I trust you unconditionally to do what is best for us' and even though he is about to punish me, I know that it is for my own good, or for the good of our marriage and a part of it feels right.

That trust and that gesture of trust makes me feel so warm inside, it feels like I have my eyes closed and am about to fall backwards off of a high mountain, knowing that without question, he will always be there to catch me.



So that is why I go to him and stand there as he undresses me, it is a sign and a symbol of my love and adoration.

C

Friday, 9 November 2012

My Broken iPod and it's consequences

As a younger gal' I was very hot headed.  I would fly off the handle at most things, I was blunt and spoke my mind, to the point of inadvertent rudeness.

I never intentionally hurt people, it is just that my mouth would seemingly work much quicker than my brain.

My darling boy however has 'helped' me to rectify this, and I am now much better at thinking before I speak.

However, yesterday when we were driving to the supermarket, my mouth ran away from me, and I was left in a similar position in our bedroom.

Let me explain what happened. On route to do the weekly shop, I was feeling rather Christmasy, so I delved into the glove compartment of the car, that I share with my husband, to search for my iPod.

On finding it I was horrified to see that the screen had been broken.

'YOU'VE BROKEN MY iPOD', I screamed at my husband...

Rewind 20 minutes and you may begin to understand the fuel for my rage. During the car journey, my husband had reached into the glove compartment to find something and couldn't shut the door.  He slammed and slammed it, hoping that the catch would engage but no joy.  He finally realised that something must have been stuck in it and so delved in, moved some things out of the way and it finally closed.

Fast forward again to my broken iPod screen and the part of the screen broken, just so happens to be in the same shape as the glove box door.

Now you could easily jump to conclusions here and I did but I did so with fury and no respect what so ever.

'YOU'VE BROKEN MY iPOD', I screamed at my beloved.

Rational as ever he replied calmly, 'calm down darling, I didn't break your iPod'.

Instead of explaining calmly, I allowed my upset for my broken iPod and the reality that I couldn't afford to replace it, to fuel my screams. To add insult to injury, my protests came out in one long, loud ramble of utterings, in front of our daughter.

'YOU DID, YOU BREAK EVERYTHING, YOU SLAMMED THE DOOR, YOU'VE BROKEN IT'...

'DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT' Bellowed my husband.

'...I DON'T CARE, YOU OWE ME A NEW ONE, I CAN'T AFFORD IT, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BROKE IT...'

SCRRRREEEEEECCCCHHHHH



He slammed on his brakes and without saying anything, turned the car around and drove home.

He then parked the car outside of the house (on double yellow lines), put on his hazzard lights (yeah I bet, the hazard being my fuming husband!!).

'Get out of the car' he said in a scarily calm tone.  He unclipped our daughters seatbelt and took her into he house, where I sheepishly followed.

I sat on the sofa, while he turned on the television for our child to be occupied.

'Go up stairs' he commanded, his tone still stone cold and emotionless.

I sat in our bedroom, waiting for the inevitable, filled with two emotions, 1) fear for what was to come, and 2) utter confusion as to how I had allowed my mouth to get so out of control.

I don't need to go into details but lets say he helped me to 'switch' my attitude using a method of the same name.

Afterwards as he cuddled me he whispered into my ear.

'I didn't intentionally break your iPod, I will fix it.

Wow, how differently our afternoon could have gone, heho, we live and learn!

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Stop sending me anti-Dd messages


OK.  I recently hit 100,000  blog views, so THANK YOU to all you lurkers.

But this also means that I am now a lot more visible on google.

That means that people who have never even heard of Dd stumble across my site.

I have subsequently started receiving more and more anti Dd comments and messages, telling me that I am some sort of crazy religious nut job, an abused wife, our I am out of my mind.

It's funny really that some of these people think that I am in some one-of-a-kind marriage, alone in this lifestyle.

They often start their messages with, ' I've never heard of this before'.

What is so hard to understand? I believe my husband leads our family and every now and then, instead of having a blazing and un unproductive row, when I do something unacceptable, he puts me across hits knee.

Do you think it's due to the fact that I don't spend the time on my blog also writing about how normal our lives are? Yes we too forget to take out our rubbish on bin day, sometimes set off the fire  alarm with the toaster and bite our fingernails when we hope no one is looking.

Perhaps I should mention more about how happy our life is. How we laugh together 20 times a day, how we can spend hours cuddling on the sofa enjoying silence, just listening to each other's breathing and how we are each other's best friend and soul mate.

We are, to the untrained eye, your average, blissfully happy, 31 and 26-year-old couple, who were lucky enough to find each other.  The only difference is, my husband leads. He takes no rubbish from anyone, especially his wife. He treats me like his queen. He adores and spoils me, he makes me feel lived and adored and cherished. maybe I should say more about that on my blog.

Darling, I love you, thank you.

X

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Mick at Husbandly Touch

Mick at HishusbandlyTouch has moved.

He and his lovely wife are now at http://mickandlyndasblog.blogspot.co.uk

If you don't know who he is, click on the link, it's the best Dd blog written from a man's perspective that I have ever come across.

Enjoy.

C


Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Dd - more common that you think!




I have a friend who is struggling at the moment.

About a year and a half ago she split up from her husband and recently has been living with another friend of ours, but they too have now separated.

It is really sad to see friends who have not been able to find love and hapiness with somebody special.

A few weeks ago her and I spent the day together and then went out for pizza in the evening.

She has always known that my husband is in charge of my marriage, she has even whitnessed him repramanding me, but I had never spoken to her about spanking.

We were sat drinking cider and eating wood fired, organic pizza, when she said 'I'm never going to find anyone'

'Of course you will' I said.

'No I won't, not like my ex husband"

Confused I said 'What do you mean?'

'He was strong, he didn't let me get away with anything. That's what I need.' She said. 'But the problem is, I wasn't very good at doing as I was told'.

Of course this shocked me. I had, up until now, had no idea of the real reason behind her unhappiness in relationships.

I couldn't help but ask, 'What would have happened if you didn't do as you were told?'

'You know,' she said blushing. 'He would...punish me.'

Literally at that moment my world stood still. For years I lived with a seemingly unrealistic hope that one day a friend would tell me they were also in a Dd relationship.

'Punished?' I said. 'How?'

'You know...' She said. 'He would...' And turning an even darker shade of crimson she said, 'spank me'.

I was so astonished I couldn't even coment. I sat there giggling.

After an eternity I said. 'Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. You know that is what J does don't you?'

And without hesitation she said, 'I know, I thought you knew I knew, I hinted enough.'

I was flabbergasted.  I had spent years feeling isolated and one of my friends was a spanked wife all along.

I hadn't even realised. It was under my nose.

The problem was though that my lovely friend and her husband had never had a discussion about it. He had never sat her down and discussed his expectations in their marriage. He would simply ask her to do X and Y and if she didn't comply, over his knee she went!

It must have been very confusing for her. She didn't even know the name of the relationship she was in, or that there were thousands of people online to chat with about it.

It just goes to show that Dd is everywhere. I wonder how many other people in my town live this way!

Perhaps I should place an advert in the local paper, 'Are you a spanked wife?'

Hmmm I wonder how many people would get the wrong impression!!


Monday, 8 October 2012

I vow to give my husband everything

When I got married, it didn't cross my, or my husband's mind to use the vow 'Love honor and obey' within our ceremony.

For anyone who isn't familiar with UK civil ceremonies you can pretty much do what ever you like within the ceremony.

We had my ukulele-playing sister serenade us, poetry read by my mother in law, we wrote our own soppy vows and got married among lakes filled with waterlilies.

This isn't my wedding, but it is the venue!

But when it comes to the legally binding words, you have one of a list of options.  I seem to remember an option with 'obey' in the title, but I can't remember exactly.

If I had had that option, there is no way we would have done that in front of our friends and family.

We chose the contemporary option, whatever that was.

But recently as my friends have also been getting married, I have been thinking about our vows and what they really mean to me now.

At the time I don't think they were that important to me, the day was and the very fact that I was marrying my soul mate was, but not the legally binding words.

I now believe that I should give everything of me to my husband.  I know it is controversial, not so controversial within the Dd community but still certainly controversial.

I believe that as my husband, the Big Boss Man has full control of everything but he also has the control to delegate and he does, often.

I believe that he has the right to protect his family, even if it is from themselves!

I believe that he has the right to my body, to punish it as he sees fit and to make love to it when he wishes.  Does that mean he takes the liberty when I don't want to give him my body? Of course not but he has the choice to take on that responsibility.

If I were to get married tomorrow, I think my vows would read,

I vow to honour and obey you, as best I can and respect your judgement at all times.
I vow to give everything of me to you and to trust you in everything.
I promise to stand by you at all times, no matter what.

That is certainly how I feel, though I think my friends and family would have been horrified!

 




Thursday, 4 October 2012

Christian Domestic Discipline Comedy

I was directed to this link on youtube of an Australian Comedian talking about CDD.  I thought it was hilarious, keep watching and you will eventually see a CDD couple in the US talking through how to deliver a spanking.  It is very funny.


Monday, 1 October 2012

Coming home

I have spent the last week in London, alone.

My husband wasn't there.

I was working and socialising so much that there were days when he would call and I would only have time to say a quick 'I love you, sleep well'.

I really did burn the candle at both ends.

By day I was working hard helping to run a prestigious art gallery in Mayfair and by night I was meeting up with all my friends and family who I hadn't seen in months.

I had a great time but I am now exhausted.

In just a month I managed to meet two new Dd friends, stay with two different cousins, an aunty and second cousin, attend two champagne gallery parties, see the Beach Boys in their reunion tour, have lunch with three university friends, attend a friend's hen party and see countless other friends.

I am now completely and totally exhausted.

On a positive note though, being so busy has meant that there hasn't been a spare minute to feel down.

On my way home on the train my husband called me.



'I can't want for you to come home', he said. 'I need you here'.

'Do you feel better when I am with you where you can protect me?'

'Yes'. He said, without hesitation.  'I haven't had to trust you for so long without me being their to look after you, for years'.

'I know'. I said. 'I'm coming home now so you can'.

'Good'. He said. 'We can have our family back together, the way it should be'.

My man had a point.  There is only so much gallivanting you can do when you are a wife and mother and I certainly did feel guilty about it.



So I am now home, the house is immaculate, I have been in bed on time and have been loving and courteous -  and boy does it feel good! I am not cut out for the London-thing any more.

Pre-marriage I would spend all week working in London but now, I have to admit, although it was lovely to be there and working in a setting that I don't often work in, I missed the country, I missed my home comforts, I missed my house but most of all I missed my darling daughter and loving, protective husband.

The question is, after so many days of freedom, where I could pretty much go where I wanted to go and do what I wanted to (within reason), how easily will I be able to fit back into our little marital bliss?

It has felt pretty natural so far and I am rather shocked at how natural it has felt.

We shall have to see.

My darling man does seem to be waiting for any excuse to remind me of who is boss, so I had better watch out!

But it is very very good to be home!

C


Sunday, 30 September 2012

Crazy lady with the wooden spoon!


I have been in London for a week and have managed to meet up with another Dd wife - how exciting.

This lovely lady I met on the network.

I had seen a photograph of her but was still unaware of how we would find each other in busy central London.

We aranged to meet outside a tube station along Piccadilli.

I was late, as usual, and walking in a daze, having just had a frantic morning at work.

My mind was elsewhere when, what appeared to be, a rather crazy looking lady approached me in the street, eyes wide open, a foot infront of me.

Fir a split second I presumed she was one of London's more interesting charachters.

We stood there for what felt like 20 minutes, though it can only have been 2 or 3 seconds. Confusion filled my mind, until she looked down towards her handbag.

My eyes followed hers, intregued by what this aparent crazy lady was doing.

Her hand reached into her hand bag and came out brandishing a wooden spoon!!!!

Realisation replaced the confusion as I realised this was my Dd friend.

I don't think I have ever laughed harder, in fact after we finished our meeting, I laughed about it all day.

Perhaps we need little badges to identify ourselves in the future! Hmmmm perhaps I should get making 'I love Dd' or 'spanked wife' paraphernalia!

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

I met another Dd wife!


The greatest thing about Britain is it's size! Okay so I'm ignoring a wole list of other plusses: healthcare, culture, wealth, democracy, art scene, history....

But due to it's size, I can meet almost any Dd lady that I meet online, within only a few hours (off shore islands not included ;) ).

I arrived in London to work at a gallery for a week and as coincidence would have it, one of my Dd ladies, who I text and speak to on the phone, was also in London, at the same train station, at the same time.

I stepped off the train and into the train station bar, where my Dd friend was waiting, ready to meet me with a glass of red!

It was lovely and another reminder of how important Dd friends are within this secret and strange world that we live in!!!

Monday, 24 September 2012

Going away alone.


I'm currently sat on the train, on my way to London.

I have been asked to work in an art gallery for a week, all very flattering.

I will however really miss my little girl. I hope she forgives me when she is older :(. I have to keep reminding myself that she is lucky, at two and a half to have Mummy at home still.

Of course I will also miss my man, my husband, my best friend, my leader and my rock.

I haven't been away alone for 10 months and I haven't been away for this long in years.

Dd is now natural, sollid and etched in stone.  I guess one of two things will happen. Either, I will discover that I am now completely and utterly dependent on him that I find I can't cope without him, or I will be so trained now that I will instinctively feel his guiding hand on my shoulder.

We shall see.

C

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Naturally submissive?

I had a lovely chat with a Dd friend of mine the other day, on the phone.

We were talking and she said to me, 'You are naturally submissive and The Big Boss Man is a natural HoH'.

I was shocked by this statement.

I have never felt we were natural Dders.  I have never felt that I was naturally a submissive wife.

I always felt like I had found Dd and that we were both working hard towards it.

We finished our convorsation and hung up the phone.

Next to the phone is a wall where many photographs are hung, some of my ancestors and one of my husband and my wedding day.

The photo depicts us walking hand in hand under an archway of trees, away from the wedding party, just after we have said our vows.

The body language looks like a Dd couple and yet the photograph was taken pre Dd.

He, standing a foot taller than I, is walking confidently, with a proud smile on his face, and I am walking nex to him with both of my hands holding his.

I am obviously following him and he is obviously leading me.

It looks like a Dd couple!

It dawned on me in that moment that we have always been this way inclined, but due to my upbringing and societal pressures for women to lead their marriages, I hadn't noticed.

I don't think we have changed that much since we started Dd, over two years ago, but I think that it just gave me an official reason to submit to him.

Looking at that photo, I certainly never would have guessed that we would be where we are today.  Him, offically head of the household, and I his submissive wife.  But secretly I love it!

C

Thursday, 20 September 2012

No spanking challenge? I don't understand


I am confused, perhaps you can help.

Many of the other Dders in blogland have taken, or are taking the 'No Spanking Challenge'.

I think this sounds really exciting and I totally respect these women for it.

But to be honnest I don't really get it.

I feel that I am always trying not to be spanked. I never go out of my way to get punished, why would I, that would be foolish. So surely a 'no spanking challenge' is just what normal Dd is?

If I said 'I am trying especially hard this week not to get a spanking' wouldn't that mean that normally I only try a little to do as I'm told, rather than doing everything I can to avoid a spanking.

Honestly, answers on a postcard please, I really don't see the difference.

I think if I told my husband that I was now attempting a 'no spanking challenge' he might reply 'If you can actually avoid a spanking, then why don't you do this normally'.

Again, respect towards those women would are doing this. I think I am on a 'No spanking for Life' challenge, I doubt I will succeed!

C

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Zero tollerance to rediscover my submissive side


I am still lost.

Floating aimlessly through a misty fog of confusion.

I am not down, I am cooking scrummy meals for my family, working at my business and cleaning and taking care of my womanly duties.

However something still isn't right. Im lost, stuck, confused.

It's like I am coping and doing everything I am supposed to be doing but I am still struggling.

I don't feel submissive at all. My poor husband is at a loss as to what to do.

It's not like I am breaking any set roles, however I am uncommunicative, unresponsive, distant and grumpy.

My husband said to me that he would deliver maintenence every other day until I return to the 'loving wife' he married.

But that isn't working either.

He has now decided on a zero tollerance pollicy in an effort to reconnect us and reballance our family.

We shall see if it works.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Dd and the support network

At the beginning, Dd was hard.

We struggled.

I struggled and he struggled.

I couldn't understand my emotions and thought processes.



Dd forced me to think in a way that I hadn't done before.

I was always confused and couldn't understand what was going on inside my head, nor my consequent actions.

He struggled too.

He couldn't understand how to be consistent.

He couldn't understand why I said I needed discipline, leadership and strength from him but then I would defy him when he went to discipline me, undermine his leadership and ignore his strength.

The beginning was hard and it was made worse by the fact that I felt alone.

I couldn't share these problems with others around me as I felt no one I knew could understand.

Many times I threw in the Dd towel, unable to cope with all of these emotions alone.

But then I found the Dd online community.

I found the LDD network and I started this blog.

I have met some wonderful people.  I have built and am still building a strong network around me and we have kept going on our Dd path ever since.

I am still being held up by this network but it is now coming full circle. I now find that I am supporting other Dd couples who are at the beginning of their journey.

Two years ago I never believed that I would love my husband leading our family.  That I would adore doing what I can to please him, to support him and to follow him as his supportive wife but that is how it has turned out.

So thank you.

Thank you for writing the blogs that I found invaluable for advice.
Thank you for creating the networks that I have turned to when I had nowhere else to turn to for encouragement.
Thank you for writing me emails and getting in touch.
Thank you for calling me for a chat.
Thank you for replying to my texts.
Thank you for answering my emails and blog comments.
Thank you for having a cup of tea with me.
Thank you for commenting on my blog
Thank you for reading my blog.

Dd is confusing, difficult and hard work but SO worth the work.

My husband's friends ask him how he found such a supportive and loyal and loving wife, my friends ask me how I found such a strong and devoted husband and strangers ask us what our secret is.

If you feel alone, reach out for help and advice.  I never believed I would be meeting and befriending other Dd couples but here I am connecting and sharing with other Dd couples in the UK.

I have always feared that my love and relationship was temporary, due to having never seen a happy life-long couple in my childhood, now I am certainly more hopeful and know that I can use this tool to cement our marriage in time.

Thank you.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Dd and being old

Many of my regular readers will know that my husband and I are not old.

It is of course all relative, but seeing as my husband and I are aged 31 and 26 respectively, I would say that is young in most people's opinion, and certainly young within the Dd community.

Last night after he made love to me and we were cuddling in bed, my non-spanko husband said to me,

HOH, 'I love leading you and being the HOH'

Me, 'I love it too darling.  Do you think you will still be spanking me when we are old?'

HOH, 'Of course Dd is for life. You will be old and grey and your bottom will be black and blue'.

Hmmm.... I'm not sure how my elderly body will cope with that.

Perhaps by then I will SO well behaved that he won't need to.


hmmm.....

More likely this will be me.


Dd and the depressive wife

I have been feeling pretty low recently.

I was a depressive for years, until about a year ago and I think I have taken for granted the fact that I have been feeling fine and dandy for a year.

A lot has changed in my life in the last few months and it has sent me into a spiral of sadness, self doubt and into a self destructive pattern.

This of course enters and factors heavily in our marriage.

I have started to be bolshy, I have started to hen peck and I have started to be rude.

I am not a great communicator.

I allow things to stew and to go around and around in my head before letting my husband know how I am feeling.

He usually realises that something is wrong when the house becomes messy and unkempt, his meals become tasteless or non existent and our child is plonked in front of the television, rather than learning to paint/cook/play.

This time however, I managed to keep the balls in the air, while still feeling horrific inside.

The house was tidy, his tummy was full and our child was baking and painting with mummy on a daily basis, but I was wandering around like a zombie, trapped inside my mind, feeling dreadful.

So the poor man, didn't notice that I was actually falling apart at the seems.

His first sign was that I missed my curfew.  OK, OK, that isn't a big deal, it happens once a month or so.  The Big Boss Man decided that he would give me lines to combat this rule break.

He gave me until Sunday to do them.

The inside of my head was filled with cotton wool and I felt unable to see clearly towards my goals and expectations so I missed the deadline, unexpectedly - lines not done.

Then, while my husband was at work, a friend of ours, who he doesn't approve of, wanted to come over for a glass or two of wine.

Now there is a good reason why he doesn't approve of her.  Her and I act like naughty children when we are together.

She is my most fun friend!

However, two years ago we got very drunk together - I even smoked cigarettes with her! ( I don't do that!) and ended up kicking my husband in the family jewels in front of his friends.

So when she wants to come round, he always has reservations and often gives me restrictions on my drinking .
Over the past few months, my wayward friend and her boyfriend have had a really hard time and had recently split up, just before we were set to go on holiday together.

This is what happened...

(I shall call my wayward friend WF)




WF text message, 'C, can I still come round for wine tonight?'

Me, 'Yes sure, come round at 7.30, so I can put my daughter to bed'.

WF, 'OK see you then'.



....Hmmmm.... I should probably text my husband.  I don't really want to.  I should ask permission.  He is going to say no, but I don't care.  I am going to see her anyway.  It is more important to support my friend through her difficult break up rather than submit to my husband...



Me to Husband, 'J, can WF come round tonight, I need to support her.'

Husband, 'Yes, but drink two drinks ONLY and go to bed before I get home at midnight, I EXPECT you to be responsible'.



Texting my Dd friend, 'I'm seeing my wayward friend tonight woohoo!'

Dd Friend, 'Will you behave?'

Me, 'Yes, I am only allowed two drinks, but if he had said no, I would have done it anyway'.

Dd Friend, 'I just told my husband and he is horrified'.  Oh great, that is now going to get me in a lot of trouble, seeing as our husbands are friends.


I know this looks like I am being incredibly naughty and unsubmissive, and yes I am, but as I said, I was on a very negative destructive pattern, and for anyone who understand's a depressive mind set, I felt like unable to see the negative implications of my actions.

So when my wayward friend came round to drown her sorrows.  I decided to indeed only 'drink two drinks' but I wanted to get drunk, so delved into the back of the cupboard for the biggest glasses I could find.

OK, so it wasn't this big, but the glasses that we have are made out of old wine bottles, so you are effectively drinking half a bottle of wine per glass, for a light headed woman, this is deadly.

Me and my friend sat drinking next to the fire in the garden, I listened to her woes and acted as a good friend - it turns out that after our chat her and her boyfriend got back together again!

After the second glass, she said to me, 'lets drink some more'.

This is the only point in which my Dd wife button was switched on.

I said, 'I can't, J said to only have two' - oblivious to the fact that I had taken the mick out of that particular rule!

WF, 'Oh come on, he is so bossy' - She doesn't know that he spanks me!

Me, 'This is in your best interest. If he comes home to find me passed out on the floor, you won't be able to come again, and I want you to'.

WF, 'OK then, but I'm having more'.

Woohoo, submissive wife I am (well clearly not, but at least I eventually did as I was told).

So at midnight my darling HOH came home to see two empty wine bottles strewn around the garden, and the offending glasses, as well as a soundly asleep, comatose wife.

The next day I had the hangover from hell.

We had to travel to a gig of his, along with his family and I slept the entire way there - I was poor company.

While he stopped for fuel in a service station on the way home, I went through his phone to see if he had written anything in hit notes about spanking me.

He saw me from across the service station and marched straight to the car to grab the phone off of me.

When we got home and had put our child to bed, he sat me down in the bedroom and began to lecture.

It is always hard for him to know what to do with me when I am in a depressive mood, but having a strong leader always helps.  If he treats me like I am about to break, I am unable to get myself out of the episode.  It is like I disappear into my head, and am drowning within my mind.  I feel unable to swim out myself.  It takes my lovely husband to pull me out, and tell me what I need to do and lead me with a firm hand to save me.

So that is what he did.

My list of transgressions:

1) Missing my curfew and not even attempting the lines I was set.
2) Choosing to socialize without permission.
3) Deciding to defy him, and telling our Dd friend's about it.
4) Invading his privacy by reading his phone notes.
5)Drinking too much and defying his rule about drinking responsibly.

After his lecture he said to me, 'This is not going to be an easy spanking. You are not going to be sitting comfortably for a while afterwards'.

And boy was he right.

He sent me downstairs to stand in the corner and he joined me ten-minutes-later, with belt and paddle in hand.

This was four days ago and it is still sore, sitting on this wood chair at my computer!

But as a strange side effect, I have now also been happier for four days! Perhaps he spanked the depression out of me! Or perhaps it makes me feel better when I am metaphorically being held in his protective and strong leading arms throughout the day.

Who knows - but long may it last!






Friday, 31 August 2012

Two women spanked in the same house

This weekend my husband and I were invited to stay with our Dd friends HisPrincess and A.

It was lovely, we sat and chatted, we ate lovely food, we went for walks in the local area.

Lovely HP and A encouraged us to stay in their bedroom while they slept in the living room.

Slightly an odd experience.

I tried as hard as I could not to think the following, but nevertheless my overactive imagination was thinking, 'Oh I see, so that is the corner where she is sent to, that is the chair that she is asked to kneel on and that is the desk that she is bent over'.

A even left a cane stood in the corner of the room!!! For what purpose I don't know, perhaps as a deterrent to my wayward behaviour!

In the evening, we sat drinking far too much wine and laughing.

She was on top form, whereas I felt incredibly rebellious!

I think all the pressure to behave and the fear that one of us may be called to task on something in front of the other, meant that we were rather stressed.  As soon as we all went to bed, both of us managed to be rude to our husbands.

HP and A were in the kitchen, HP was rude and A swatted her with the spatula.

Me and the boss man were in the bathroom, I snapped at him, he replied by swatting me a couple of times with his hand.

For some unearthly reason I retorted, 'Ooo that was hard!' - I know, what a wally I am!

He then preceded to turn me around to swat me harder, but I fought against him, knocking the things in the bathroom all over the place.  I am not sure why I fought, he is much stronger than me and I was soon facing the sink as he swatted me very hard.

I was mortified to be spanked in the same house as HP, my dear Dd friend! Alas, something was always going to happen like that!


Friday, 24 August 2012

A Clean House Matters!

Honestly I can not believe I am actually writing this!

I  am already horrified by myself as I write this, and it isn't written yet!

Facts about me to enlighten you as to why I am astonished about the subject I am about to write about:


  • I was raised by feminists and raised to be a feminist - my father was a hippy and didn't discipline me regularly at all, however he was furious when, at the age of 15, I allowed a boy to pay for me on a date!
  • I went to an all girls school - A world where women were capable of every career, where being a wife and mother was never really mentioned.  I went to school alongside future politicians, doctors and lawyers.  In school hymns, where the rest of Christian society was singing 'Onward brothers onward', my school sang, 'onward sisters onward!'  All teachers who were married were known as Ms, so that they were not perceived as being 'chained down' by the name of their husbands.
  • Journalism and politics were my life.  Just three years ago I was on BBC Radio 5 and BBC 1's Question Time debating politics with key politicians, in addition to writing about human rights violations in the national press - I was not a wife and mother, cleaning and cooking diligently!  
Before Dd this is who I was.
Or perhaps  before marriage and a child? Who knows, most likely it is a bit of both!

So to be sat here debating the reasons why having a clean and tidy house for when my husband comes home from work, is astonishing!

I know he is happy when he gets in from work to find a clean house.  I asked him why and he said. "It shows that everything is flowing as it is supposed to. It shows that you are willingly submitting to me.  I have just got home from working hard and have come home to see that you are working just as hard, meeting me in the middle, both of working together, creating our strong family unit."

I used to be a depressive, I say 'used to', what I actually mean is that I am no longer on medication, but still flow in and out of negative thought patterns.  To quote Winston Churchill, the 'Black Dog' will never leave, but I am currently comfortable sat here with him in his cage, rather than massacring my face!

When the house is clean and organised, my husband said that it shows just how good I am doing in my mind.
It is the physical window into my mental state.

So last night, my darling boy came home to a tidy and clean house, his dinner cooked (a scrummy mezze plate of roast walnut and beetroot hummus, minty fallafal, puy lentil salad, green beans and char grilled aubergine brushcetta), his wife asleep within her curfew and his race suit darned (he takes part in motor racing and broke his suit.)

I wasn't there but I know he would have come home with a smile on his face!

At 1 am, I was conscious of him coming to bed.  He then performed another act whereby I am submissive and he is the dominant party!  In my sleepy state, I know it was his way of saying, 'yes, this lady is mine, I take care of her and she takes care of me.'

It's a great partnership, even if he does wake me up in the night!




Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Unaware of my behaviour

J said to me yesterday, 'You need to show more contrition when I pull you up on something'.

Hmmmm, showing contrition, being contrite, is that something I can do?



Just to make sure he whipped this out and laid me across my large printing table in my studio! :(


Apparently instead of diligently saying, 'yes sir', 'no sir' in all of the right places, I have been rude, giggling and generally  not taking his leadership seriously.

I didn't quite realise I had been doing this.

OK so it is true that yesterday when he said 'STOP ANSWERING ME BACK', I replied with, 'Too late!'

And when he dragged me into our bedroom to give me a dressing down (both literally and metaphorically), I stood there giggling like a school girl! oops!

He told me, 'It is quite simple, when I tell you off for something, I am looking for some contrition, a sign that you are sorry.  If I don't see it I realise that I need to spank you'.



 Hang on, is this is? Have I found the magic formula?  So long as I show a sign that I am sorry, and show that I respect him, I won't end up, pants around ankles, and staring at the carpet???

I shall have to test this theory, I shall report back as soon as I have some evidence!

C



Friday, 17 August 2012

swatted at the family gathering

'Why have you bought those vitamins' I said with an accusatory tone, not befitting for a Dd wife.

'I beg your pardon' said my husband.

The guests in the room, my father and younger sister, who had popped round for tea, didn't notice the exchange.

I walked into the kitchen to put away the shopping that my husband had in his hand.

'I don't appreciate that tone in front of your family C', said my husband, fluffing himself up like a bird in front of me.

'And I don't appreciate you spending £20 on those when you eat a balanced diet, it's a waste of money'.

Aware that he was beginning to get angry and not wanting to castigate me in front of our guests he gave me the look and walked upstairs.

'Fine then walk away and sulk, that's very manly'. Woopsie, did I just say that?

'COME HERE' bellowed his voice from upstairs.

I excused myself to my family and went upstairs like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Smirking like a naughty embarrassed school girl I faced my husband in the bedroom. 

He towered a foot above me, a 6'7" giant of a man, not to be messed with. He began to lecture.

'You will not give me a dressing down in front of anyone, do you understand?' He said.

'Well, don't waste money on things that we don't need then'. I said.

Now there is a time when every Dd wife needs to know when to shut her mouth and finish her attitude before her husband finishes it for her.  I am not able to do this very often. When fueled by my female psyche I am empowered, obstinate, forthright and very unwilling to back down.

'Right, turn around.' Said my husband with the most stern tone I have ever heard.

'You can't spank me when my family are down stairs'. I said in shock.

'I said turn around and place your hands on the wall'. He said.

'Please don't, they will hear you' I said, turning around in complete disbelief.


SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK,SMACK, SMACK.

'You will not speak to me with disrespect in front of anyone do you understand?'

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK.

He finished, placed the implement back in the cupboard and drew me into his arms.

I was feeling very sore, sorry for myself, sad and remorseful.

I then went down stairs and pretended to my family like nothing had happened.

They didn't hear anything.

And the moral of the story Ladies and Gentleman? Know when to stop nagging and moaning at my husband, or he will teach me when to stop!

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Spank free for three weeks

'Spank-free for three weeks' is what I wanted to be writing now, but alas it was not to be!


I literally realised yesterday that I had been three whole weeks without any kind of spanking, maintenance or otherwise - a record for me ladies and gentleman.

I managed to go over my curfew two nights in a row due to excessive internet use.  I know many wives may be thinking, 'gees this guy is strict why does she have a bed time like a child!'  Well I will tell you why, I have no self control.  Before my bedtime, I used to stay up till the early hours of the morning, be so tired the next day that I would be dosing on the sofa while my daughter played and watched television.  This does not make a good mother!

So my darling imposed a bedtime of 11pm, reasonable enough, I'm up at 7 with our little girl so the idea is that I get eight hours sleep.  I also have two hours of recreational internet in the evening, which doesn't seem enough when I am blogging etc, but alas I am addicted so my husband has good cause for this rule.

I am terrible at focusing on my expectations though when I am engrossed in something online.  Hence the two days of broken rules.

I was very disappointed not to make it to a spank free month, I have never been able to say that so far!

When I was a child I lived next to a quarry and outside there was a sign that said, 'we have been accident free for X number of days'.  I remember wondering who had had an accident on the days when we drove past to see 'we have been accident free for 0 days'.


It felt like that when the boss told me he would be spanking me.  I saw the sign 'I have been spank free for 21 days' slowly ticking over to 0 - darn it!

'I expect you to make it to four weeks now' said my spatula wielding husband! - I hope he's right!

Sunday, 5 August 2012

A water fight that I won!

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!

The tires of the car screeched to a halt in the middle of the road and the big-boss-man turned to look at me with conviction, dominance and strength in his eyes.

Oh help! How did I get here, in the middle of the road, locked inside a car with the full wrath of my husband to contend with!

OK, lets rewind slightly and look at how me, my big mouth and my fiery attitude got me here.

My Dad and his lovely new girlfriend have been camping for two weeks in a town 45-minutes away from us, so my husband and I decided to take our little girl to see them.

We had a lovely day, BBQ, sat outside drinking Cava and Italian beer and having a lovely time with lovely lovely people.

Now the first problem here is once again my intolerance to alcohol! After a glass of fizz and a chilled bottle of beer, I was tiddly and giggling. (Oh dear won't I learn?)

The second problem is, remember how I have spoken about my naughty, cheeky and rebellious nature? - well it was inherited! My Dad is equally naughty, cheeky and likes to have a laugh! I was taught well in that area, though my husband may dispute how unnecessary it is!

My Dad and I used to spend summers making each other jump, hurling buckets of water on each other, when we weren't expecting it, and playing many practical jokes.

The problem is that neither of us know when to stop.

This afternoon was no exception.  Fueled by alcohol, I found a sole, uncooked mushroom sat on the grass, left over from the preparation of the BBQ and decided to hurl it at my father, when he wasn't looking.

He responded by, five minutes later, hurling a tomato at the back of my head!

Over the course of the day the food fight escalated, until I was hiding behind cars as corn on the cobs and potatoes were being hurled at me!

  
You see, with a parent like this, what does my husband expect me to be like!!!

Throughout all of this, my adorable, if slightly boring husband was sat in a deck chair watching with disapproval plastered all over his face!

My Dad's lovely girlfriend turned to me and said, 'right, you grab the barrel of water and I'll hold your Dad down'.

Well ladies and gentleman that is just a red rag to a bull, how could I say no to that? It would have been rude to do so!!!

My Dad saw me grabbing the giant water barrel (you know the type with a tap!) and, on seeing me removing the lid, he ran.

We chased him all over the field until he ran back to camp and jumped onto my husband's lap to hide, thinking foolishly that I wouldn't dare soak my husband.

For a micro second I considered not doing anything, but allowing someone to win in a food/water fight is not in my competitive nature.  In that second I deemed it acceptable to soak my husband, if only to win the battle  against my Dad!

Yup, I grabbed the entire barrel and tipped it over the heads of my father and husband!



Needless to say my husband WAS NOT amused.  He didn't even cock a smile! But he kept his composure and didn't flinch in company.  He told me off but left it at that.  My Dad's girlfriend said to me as we escaped to the bathroom, 'Oh dear, you are in trouble later!' (How does she know?)

The day went on, the boys dried out, I went to carry on the food fight and got a firm 'ENOUGH' from my husband.  We ate and chatted some more and then went to go home.

On our journey home I began to nag him.

'No you are going the wrong way...I think you should slow down....You are driving too close to that driver'.

It wasn't until I said, 'Oh great now we are lost again', that he hit the breaks.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!

At first I thought that he was turning around but no, he stopped the car, turned to me calmly and said in a scarily calm yet strong and commanding tone, 'You will STOP speaking to me with such disrespect, you will leave that attitude back at the campsite and be my submissive wife or I will take you straight upstairs when we get home and you will go over my knee.  Do you understand?'

I am not silly, this was clearly my choice, the moment when I chose to go down that road of submission and love and adoration for my husband or chose to be rude and end up over his knee.  Seeing as I only left boot camp a few days ago, it wasn't a difficult decision to make!

Since boot camp (I will post about it soon, when I muster the courage to do so), he hasn't spanked me, he hasn't needed to.  He is able to drive a message to me through words rather than force and I am more receptive to it! Perhaps it did work after all!



 

Sunday, 29 July 2012

the way a woman thinks

I can smell a row in the air.

Women are so odd, why do we say one thing, when we think another.

Why do we expect our poor men to run around guessing how we really feel about something?

This is where my mind went this morning.

Husband, 'It's sorted, we are doing boot camp on Tuesday, can you get me a coffee darling?'

Me, 'Do you want me to write down key points of boot camp so you can make a decision more quickly?'

Husband, 'Yes please' Looking at diary, 'oh, we may have a problem with boot camp as I have a band rehearsal that night'.

Okay, this is what I said in response, 'Oh, well then we can't do boot camp, we need to focus fully on it, so you will need to cancel our daughter going to stay with your parents'.

This is what my mind said.

'Well then you won't be able to do it properly...you aren't willing to focus entirely on us as a couple...You don't want to focus on us as a couple...I put in more effort and you just sit there...How can you expect me to take everything that you want me to take in boot camp, when you wont give yourself fully to the experience... I AM ANGRY...you might as well say to me, 'yes I will spend time working towards our marriage, just so long as I put my band first'.


Grrrrr I AM ANGRY.


It feels like I am willing to put more into Dd and us than he is, he doesn't think or put any forethought into things. He's so annoying!


This is why we row.  This is what happens, I get cross because the little voices inside my head start talking to me.  I wind myself up into a rage and end up rude and belligerent.  This is what causes me to be cross and him to spank me because I end up shouting and being rude.


Grrrrr......


I have no idea where this will go.  I have no idea if I will be able to contain my annoyance and anger with him.  I have no idea but the odds are I will end up OTK before the day is through!


No I WONT get you a flipping coffee!

Saturday, 28 July 2012

The Humble Wooden Spoon

Up until now my beloved has favoured scary implements like...

Yucky!


Double yucky!


Triple yucky, yikes, crikey and oh help!


But since meeting up with A and HP (our Dd friends), he has started to become more adventurous!

Thanks A, I'm so enthralled at that result of our meeting!

I have spent the past six months trying to convince him to buy something milder, to ease the result of my rebellious tendencies!

But they have gone unnoticed.

I have sent him links and emails, left pages open on my laptop, but nothing - the Big Boss man doesn't like to feel manipulated by his wife!

After meeting up with A and HP, my beloved husband started asking questions, like 'what implements do they normally use?' and 'what rules do they have in place?'

I think, after meeting a real-life couple- it dawned on him just how differently one couple practices Dd, compared with another.

Last night he actually asked me to find out the model and make of a particular kitchen implement that our friends use.  Oh crikey, this was a little odd!  I didn't know whether to be over the moon that he may be choosing a lighter implement or horrified that he was asking a friend what he chooses to use on his wife when she is naughty. This took my openness and willingness to share to a whole new level!

This change in our dynamic has knocked me slightly.

Previously I knew where all the boundaries were and I simply chose to pretend they weren't there when deciding to misbehave or not.

Now however, those lines have shifted.  I feel like a frightened rabbit in the headlights of a car not knowing which way to turn!

OK that might be a slight exaggeration! ;)

This week has not been a great week.

Two major things happened, fueled by alcohol consumption and resulting in me being very sorry and sore, and my husband's patience being severely tested.

On Wednesday I went out to my weekly 'stitch and bitch' session.

This is where a group of friends and I gather at a friend's studio and make things with fabric, while drinking tea and having a natter or moan about our husbands (I don't do the latter).

This week it was baking.  We have been in an elongated winter here in the UK recently and this week it turned into summer, almost overnight!  So the stitch and bitchers decided that they wanted to go to the pub instead of the usual tea drinking!

Here is mistake no.1 I should have asked for permission to go to the pub and I didn't! To be quite frank I didn't even think about it. Usually when something like this occurs there is a tiny voice in the back of my mind screaming 'C YOU FOOL THIS WILL GET YOU INTO TROUBLE', I think this is my subconscious, but she was hushed long ago, and overtaken by the much loader voice which says 'DO WHAT YOU WANT, TO HELL WITH THE RULES'.  This time however it didn't even occur to me!

So off we went to the pub.  The girls all chose a small bottle of chilled larger to drink and I, not ever wanting to follow the trend, chose ale, a whole pint of ale!

Here's my second problem.  I am light headed, it was hot, I hadn't eaten very well that day and ale is high in alcohol content.

Needless to say I was sloshed in half an hour and then ready to stroll home.

J text me to tell me that we needed to 'have a chat' (that means spanking!) about something else that had happened earlier that day, and I replied by saying 'F*** we will'

I have absolutely no idea why I chose to say this to him.  It was like in a fraction of a second I thought, 'hmm I am going to wind him up here and sail close to the spanking line' but fueled by alcohol, that subtle comment turned into the rudest thing I have ever said to him, or anyone, taking me far beyond the spanking line and into 'you will never sit down again' category.

Needless to say he was horrified, but also hurt and disappointed which was worse!

Honestly I am so embarrassed to admit that I actually sent that message to him.

I know I don't need to explain what happened as a result of that!

He marched me upstairs as soon as I got home, so quick that my feet couldn't touch the floor.

He then grabbed the belt and the cane and proceeded with the annihilation of a punishment, that was unfortunately well deserved!

Then last night alcohol caused me, and his lap, to meet again!

I don't want you to be sat there thinking, 'boy, this girl has a drinking problem' because actually it's the opposite.  I rarely drink, probably twice a month, so all I need is a glass of wine and it's an early night for me!

Last night a friend came round to drown her sorrows about her failing relationship (it was very sad! :( ).  The problem is that she is a heavy drinker and a bad influence.  Her and I have gotten into mischief plenty of times together already, and when I asked my beloved if she could come round for a drink his response was, 'yes I suppose so, but don't drink very much'.

Apparently my brain didn't retain that part of information! Instead I ended up sharing a bottle of wine, downing shots of toffee vodka and then making us cocktails, while dancing around the house to Now That's What I Call Music 1997!

In the morning, I was happy to realise that I wasn't hung over, but that was some sort of miracle because for me I had consumed allot!

I woke my darling man this morning with a cup of coffee, as I do every morning after he has been working.  And after our daily morning cuddle I forced myself to utter the words, 'I disobeyed you last night, and I'm sorry'.

I felt his cuddling arms release me as a wave of disappointment ran through his veins.

I then regaled the sorry tale to him, only for him to reply 'right, I think we need to do boot camp, I can't go out to work in the evening and not know that I can trust you while I am gone'.

Quite possible the worst comeback he could have chosen.

Later in the after noon he had me across his knee.  As I lay there I dreaded the normal belt that I believed would soon be removed from his trousers and placed upon my backside, but my darling man had other ideas.

'Now get off my lap' he said, after the final round of 100% force of his hand upon my rear end.

'Go into the kitchen and get me a wooden spoon'

What? this is not normal? What is going on? I'm not sure I like change.

And then the humiliating walk into the kitchen ensued, knowing full well that my backside was the colour of the red wine I had drunk the night before (no the irony is not lost on me!).

I reached for the kitchen implements jar.

They looked so small and unassuming, rather innocent! Just sat there waiting for someone to cook an omelet or a Victoria sponge cake.

Arr, look how sweet it is, so small, surely this won't really hurt, will it?


I considered bringing him back a tiny one that we have, but I didn't think that would go down well, plus let's not anger the beast when I still have a stripey behind from the night before!

I returned with the spoon, still feeling confident that I could take it, compared to the belt or cane.

Oh.  My.  Gosh.

I don't think I have ever been so wrong about anything.

He swatted me twice a second for what seemed like eternity, while he had me pinned over his knee with his hand.  I couldn't move apart from my legs which kicked and flailed as I screeched and begged.

I was not expecting it, it was so painful!  How can something so small and unassuming be so painful!

I took my daughter to the park today and as I ran around my buttocks ached so much!

I am now worried that after today's spanking, my husband's bedside table drawer will look like this...


And to top it all off I now have boot camp to contend with!

I don't think I will ever drink again!






Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Proudly submissive

Dd, by essence and necessity, is private.

I have struggled with this nature as I am a very open person.

I feel like I am always lying to the world.

I feel like I want to walk around the town, like a town crier, yelling 'HERE YE, HERE YE, I LIKE TO BE SUBMISSIVE TO MY HUSBAND AND WHEN I'M NOT HE SPANKS ME!'

However something that I do not keep a secret is my adoration for him, my respect for him, the fact that I will follow his lead, wherever he chooses to take me and my love for him is unconditional.

Yesterday he took my daughter and me to the beach.  We popped down (it's only a mile from our house) in the early evening, he went for a swim, she played in the sand, then we strolled up the beach to get her some fish and chips for dinner.



We passed a beautiful river with old wooden boats.  They were gorgeous, with cushioned seats at one end and you could rent them for an hour or two.

I thought they were beautiful and he agreed and said we should take our chips and row up stream for a picnic.  It was so lovely.  My daughter and I sat on the seat while my strong wonderful husband rowed us upstream.



When we got off the boat, I climbed out, followed by my husband.

I was so proud in that moment.  We stepped onto the jetty and were met by an Islamic family.  The women seemed so beautiful and submissive and the men proud and strong.  Next to them were an average white-Dorset family at the seaside.  The women were dressed in mini skirts, smoking cigarettes with tattoos all over them and tinged pink from the sun, swearing at their children for doing something wrong.  The men were sipping from cans of larger and belching, with their overweight, bare chests showing.

I looked towards my husband and I.  My in my below knees skirt and cardigan, he in his long shorts and shirt and straw hat and at my obvious submission towards him.

I looked at our family next to the Islamic family and then to the white-Dorset family and in that moment I saw which family we were more like.  I instantly wanted to prove my submission to my husband, I was beaming with pride, so much so that my chest was full to bursting with it.

Why has British society started to see British Muslims as treated poorly by their men, I have met hundreds of Islamic families and have never seen this to be true.  All I see (and I am pointing towards British Muslims here), is a respectful family with strong values.  Like my husband and I, they don't show off any inappropriate parts of their body, or act with any lack of self respect in public.

I love my lifestyle, it has taken me a while to articulate why but I love being a Dd wife.  No, I am not saying that I love being spanked, of course not, but I love the life that we live.

I love being his, and only his.

I love him leading and protecting me from harm (even from myself as he says!).

I love allowing him room to command our lives and children as he sees fit, because I trust him unconditionally.

I love that he is gentle, loving and protective and sees the job of leading our family as his role, his right, and his duty and takes it very seriously.

I love the trust I have for him.

I love that it feels like I am standing on high wall, with my arms outstretched, knowing that is always there to catch me.

I love that he takes control, I don't have to worry as he will always do what is right for all of us.

I love and believe that he has the right to spank me if he wishes, or to take whatever measures he deems necessary to see that our family is run smoothly.

I love it all and I love all of the things in between that I just can't articulate.

I am never happier than when we are walking in public, me holding the hand of our daughter with one hand and putting my hand over my husband arm with the other, as his proudly strides along the street.

You can see in his face that he is saying, 'this is my family, I have built this and I will do what is necessary to protect it.

All of this is why Dd makes me a very happy wife.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

It is not what he says...

This week we have had lots of people to stay.

First, our Dd friends stayed in the town, then my impressionable 18-year-old cousin and then my friend who knows about our Dd lifestyle.

What a week! I love entertaining but my husband had me on my best behaviour and now I am very tired.

With my cousin he said, 'she is raised in a world where men are weak and women are bossy and belligerent, you need to show her how a happy, strong couple can be'.

With our Dd friends my husband said, 'you WILL NOT show me up in front of them, they expect women to be courteous and respectful to their husbands, so YOU WILL act accordingly and be on your best behaviour.'

With my non Dd friend he said, 'We are a walking advert for this lifestyle, you need to show her how good it can be'.

So by the time my final guest was here, I felt exhausted.  I am not used to all this submission.  With guests here we spend allot of time together, and it has been a 12-hour-a-day, 7-days-a-week submission exercise and I am shattered!

I can't cope with all of this parading around, acting like a perfect wife - I am a natural rebel.

I feel like I have donned my flowery apron, pearls and have been in some 1950s idyl for far too long.

Now I want to run around in the road, swear, be rude, shout and scream!


Today was the last day of the guests.  Lets face it something was bound to happen, the odds were against me!


My husband, bless him, wore sandals for the first time this year, earlier today (the weather is, only now starting to look like summer!), and he put socks on under his sandals! I couldn't believe it! I know I now sound really superficial but isn't it common knowledge that that looks really dumb! I only see old men wearing socks and sandals and I feel sorry for them.  When I see them I think, 'arr, bless them, they don't have anyone at home telling them they look silly'.


I laughed at him, but was mainly horrified! He then spent about 30 minutes looking for another pair of shoes.  We were late and I was seriously irritated.  I know this all sounds petty superficial and pathetic but do remember that I had played the role of courteous wife for a week, so my tolerance levels were running low.


I am normally courteous, but not full time!! I have episodes of bad attitude but who doesn't,
so I was sensitive and cross.  I kept digging at him and giving him little comments here and there.


I went to walk away, after throwing some remark or other and he instantly jumped up from the giant shoe pile.


'Come here' he said, standing tall and beckoning me into the dining room.  I was very conscious that our guest was sat in the other room and was very aware of what he was saying.


I did as I was told (I'm not that un-submissive) and stood diligently in front of him.


'Stop' he said. Short and simple.


'Do I need to say any more?' he continued, looking down at me with a 'Do Not Mess With Me' face.


I shook my head and said 'sorry'.


And that was it.  We walked out of the room and he tapped me on the bottom.


Later in the day while we were alone, I said to my non Dd friend, 'did you hear him telling me off? was it weird?'


'Yes I heard him and no it wasn't weird' said my friend. 'to be honest you were asking for it'

'Really?' I said, surprised at the new insight into my relationship.

'Yes' she said, 'C, you were really rude to him!'

And there you have it, a Dd stance on my Dd relationship, from a friend who does not practice Dd!

I was very proud of her though.  At no point have I tried to push Dd onto her, but she has openly said that she could implement it eventually and that certain elements already run through her relationship that are Dd in nature.

At the end of the last evening of her stay she said to my husband, 'J, are there any things that I can do to make my boyfriend feel that I respect him more?'

I couldn't believe me ears! My friend is trying to take some elements of our Dd lifestyle into hers.

So perhaps I did succeed in acting as a 'walking advert for this lifestyle'!

I don't think she will be a spanked wife anytime soon, but who knows? I would like to think her positivity towards Dd is as a result of our obvious success as a Dd husband and wife.

But I could be wrong!

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Attitude Clamp-down

I'm officially sulking.
My husband - I would normally premise this with a choice of flattering adjectives (lovely, wonderful, sexy) but Im mad and sulky so I refuse today - is becoming increasingly strict.
He normally gives me a chance or two before he takes action against me if I'm rude, but recently he has been taking immediate action. It is unsettling!
I know why this has happened.
Before meeting, my Dd friend and I warned each other this would happen. For want of a better name I shall call her P.
When P and I texted each other, prior to meeting, she would say to me, "I hope they don't get any tips from each other".
I naively thought, "what's the worst that can happen?"
Well now I know!
My husband is a changed man!
Yes he has always been strict, but it's all relative.
Previously I had small loop holes that my behaviour could slip through, unpunished. Little protective weapons that I could whip out to dodge any possible spankings but now it's all crumbled beneath me!
The boss is walking around with a new purpose, a more confident stride, a stronger HoH air about him.
His first Dd meeting has lit a fire beneath him, propelling him faster towards his goal, to rid his wife of naughtiness and disrespectful tendancies.
Today, I thought I had it sussed. Yesterday I was given a relatively light spanking (only his hand) because he said that I had been 'curteous and respectful' when lectured and had shown 'true remorse' for being rude to him.
Today when I was slightly rude to him, I planned it all. I thought if he thinks I am very sorry and put on my submissive puppy-dog eyes, I would get away with it. I was wrong!
Manipulate my husband? -I cannot.
The thing was, I wasn't rude at all. Well OK, maybe a teeny weeny bit but nothing major! In the past I might have received some maintenence for what I did, but not this time. He pounced on me like a lion with a fresh piece of meat or a dog catching a bird.
It is like, having met another HoH he has been given affirmation that being a strong leader for his home is the right thing to do. Like if he was 80% sure before, now having met another strong leader, it has fueled the last 20%. -by goodness I had better watch myself!
This evening I thrown across his lap before I could say the word paddle! He wasn't messing around either! He slapped my backside with his hand like there was no tomorrow. The worst thing was that we had just been walking in the evening air so my buttocks were freezing, oh gosh, a spanking on cold skin is atrocious! Like his hand was covered in needles.
They did get tips from each other, or at least inspiration!
Was it worth it? 1,000,000,000%!!!
We spoke earlier on the phone which was lovely.
I think I shall have to work harder on my attitude, especially as P and I are planning a second meeting!!
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Monday, 16 July 2012

Dd and not being alone

I have always struggled with feeling isolated due to the secret nature of Dd.

Just last month I was stood at a party watching a group of my friends talking, thinking 'my life is so removed from what you think it is'.

I have however been in contact via the Learning DD network and text, with another British Dd wife, over the past 10 months or so.

Last night my husband and I met them.

It was a very surreal experience.  I have never met anyone from the internet before and I didn't know what to expect.

I have also never met another Dd couple before, so it was a very exciting prospect.

I was very nervous. I sat in the pub, waiting for their arrival, with sweaty palms and a racing heartbeat. I felt like I was waiting to sit an exam or something!

Then in they came. It was lovely. We chatted and got to know each other. The conversation flowed, despite knowing a great deal about each other already from my friend's text messages.

There was originally no intention of talking about spanking, Dd or rules, however my big mouth soon changed all intentions!

We were talking about movies and I remembered that my friend and her husband had recently seen the film a Dangerous Method.

I asked my friend's husband if he had enjoyed it. There was certainly a twinkle in my eye as I asked, knowing full well that it contained a handful of spanking scenes.

My husband said, 'which film is that, have we seen it?'

'Yes' I said, 'don't you remember, the spanking one?'

And everyone cracked up. Woops, there goes my big mouth!

'Did you just say the S word?' my Dd friend asked me.

And from then on the conversation swerved into unchartered territory. It was refreshing, if bizzare, sitting in a local pub discussing how our husband's choose to spank us if we get out of line.

It felt both very normal, as we were two couples discussing it, and aparently unusual, as hushed tones were often adopted!

The strangest moment had to be when my friend's HoH said, 'I just don't get the female pshyche. Sometimes I hit myself in the head and think, why did you do that.'

And 'I don't understand why women want rules, but want to break them!'

Listening to another man saying the things my husband says so often to me was very strange, but also lovely.

It was surreal sat listening to two men discussing the behaviour, or lack there of, of their wives.

So my feelings of loneliness in Dd are dissapearing, just as the feelings of closeness to my husband increases dramatically with Dd.

I'm so thankful to have, not only a close Dd friend who is now certainly a real person (my husband had his doubts), but also, a close Dd friend who I am so similar to.

We have lots in common, some things are so similar that it's incredible that we met each other.

I'm a great believer in fate and I think it was certainly meant to be.

We are seeing our new friends again today and I'm so excited.

Thankyou P and A. You made my month!

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Saturday, 14 July 2012

50 shades and Dd

My friends have all read the triliogy, I too have jumped on the band wagon (I know, a little late!)

I decided to buy a paper copy, I read too much on my Kindle ap!

I had to preorder the book as my local bookshop was selling out on a daily basis!

They called to tell me it was in stock.

After work, I wandered into the bookshop, pretending like I wasnt about to purchase a sex book!

I was served by a gentleman in his late 50s.

I said, 'Hello, I've come to pick up my preordered copy of 50 Shades of Grey.' Still pretending like it's a book about natute or something!

'Yes of course, what was your name?'

I gave him my name.

'Ah yes, here we are' said the man, producing a copy of the much talked about novel.

He looked at me seriously, 'it's a bit raunchy you know?'

I laughed, 'yes I know, I've read allot about it'.

'Oh right,' he said, 'just making sure you know what you're getting yourself into'.

Great I don't think I can get away with nonchalant any longer!

I payed for the book and he said, 'have you got your husband's permission?'

Oh my gosh, did he just say that?

Slightly confused, but glad to have a Dd response for once, I smiled and said, 'yes of course I did, you called and spoke to him to tell him it was in stock'.

'Oh good, well just checking, I don't want us to get into trouble now.'

Ummm oh gosh, do I have -MY HUSBAND SPANKS ME written on my face!?

'Yes it's fine' I reassured him again, still utterly gobsmacked that I'm having this conversation in a book shop.

'Oh good' said the man. 'you're husband has given permission'.

He handed me my purchase, in a bag.

'Oh wait a minute,' he said, 'I almost forgot, this isn't Abu Dhabi.'

And with that I left the shop.

Astonished by the conversation I had just had in my tiny town.

No this isn't 'Abu Dhabi', but I do gain my husband's permission to do things, because I'm a respectful, loving wife, and it brings harmony to our marriage.

My husband said, when regaling this story, 'good, more people should ask their husband's permission. Do you think in years to come people will think we do Dd because of 50 Shades of Grey?'

Oh gosh, I hope not!

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